unauthorized

I have an issue.

I’ll go about it plain and simple with a whole lot of extra stuff because that’s how I be.

I want a girlfriend. I don’t know why, maybe it’s because I feel lonely, but whatever. I just do. Now having a significant other has been a thought that’s been in my mind ever since I was young. I want to blame it on how we look at humanity and and this whole relationship thing but I really don’t know. The fact of the matter is, I think it’s a humanly thing and right now at the age of 24 thats what has been on my mind. Right now in life I just want to focus on my creativity and let that flourish but I feel like the “wanting” of a “lover” in my world is hindering me.

I cannot fully say that the thought is destroying me because I just turn around and make another song, but when I hear my music it’s all the same bullshit just told differently over beats. I got this weird ass feeling of settlement and wanting to have the rock next to me holding me up. When I stop and look at how I am towards others, I begin to question if I am even ready. Like I’m totally the guy who believes that everything happens for a reason, so I never really tell myself something isn’t going to happen because at the end of the day we don’t know.

Right now I got a crush on a girl though. Haven’t even tried to display the confidence in wanting to get to know her because I’m a wimp. I build up my thoughts and always let the shit crash when there’s nothing else left to be added. That’s what I’ve done at this point. My hopes are very high but for no reason. I bitch out when I want to say anything and the conversation dies. I….. I’m just a fearful human who lets his emotions control how he interacts with other humans.

 

no point in giving up though.

 

i got hit by a car in september and i’m still alive.

 

 

there is something here on earth for me to accomplish.

 

 

 

i must achieve.

 

ps. heine bros

 

pps. .. i need to get a life because seriously, i just skate, rap, and make beats.

 

~ keep it all smiles

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2018 & Im blogging again.

I’ve been silent for a while.

Not much has been floating around my mind to get me to hop on here and talk. I would typically voice my opinions on certain stuff and rant about life but as of late I just haven’t been feeling it.

I also have noticed that I start off all my blog post like this when I haven’t been much of an active blogger. It’s literally just a bunch of blah blah blah. But you know, guess that’s how life goes huh?

Anywho a lot of my time has been spent producing beats. In the beginning of 2016 I sat down behind my MacBook, downloaded the lite version of Ableton Live and began to make beats. After hours of YouTube videos I can finally say I’m a producer. I’m only declaring this because one of my beats made it onto an album that my friend is going to release. What’s crazy is that the beat is from my batch of what I call “Early Stages.” I remember the night like it was yesterday.

We were smoking weed in Matt’s garage, I grabbed the laptop and started playing shit I made. My boy Marc who was hanging out that day instantly started to vibe and the rest is history. Since then I think my beats have gotten better, I judge that perception based on what my friends think and if their heads or nodding.

It’s just the beginning though, I’ll forever be a student of music.

~ keep it all smiles