saad.01

Running from you because Im scared. I’ve never been able to express myself to you and it’s hard. I want to let you know how I feel. I’ve done nothing more than make a silly song that I don’t even think you took the time to hear. You don’t have the time for me, I get it. But I want more than just a couple minutes.

~ keep it all smiles

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I’ve been Blogging for 10 years now

I never thought that I would be a blogger… at least this long.

It was always something I wanted to do because I enjoy writing and was always intrigued with the fact that I can share my opinion online and people will actually read it.

When I was younger I used to want to be a “professional blogger,” which I tried my hardest to accomplish. I think at the time it was mainly because I wanted money, but what fueled my ambition the most was that I had to create the product for the reader.

I was 16 years old when this site was created and my first post dealt with various types of poop. You can read it here. If you didn’t click the link than I will tell you that my first post was basically a list of goofy names given to various pooping scenarios such as “King Poop,” which is that big block of poop that you push out after eating Fourth of July BBQ all day.

From my first post to this one, I have wrote many stories ranging from life experiences, failed relationships, poetry, my opinions on technology, and when I started smoking weed, a category dedicated to my high thoughts.

My original idea behind this site was to create content that would “Explode” in your face and I think I somewhat did that. I haven’t been much of a blogger lately, I’ve been spending a lot of time in my Google Keep notes writing rhymes or on ableton live producing music. I can say that I need to pick this back up because the joy of brainstorming to find the write words brightens my day and encourages me to strive for me. (I don’t like any of these words I chose for that last sentence lol)

So here we are, 10 years later at the ripe age of 25. I’m glad I was able to keep up this hobby, even when I lost motivation and wouldn’t even type wordpress.com in my browser. I’m not the best blogger, nor do I consider myself the best writer, but at the end of the day its the fact that I had a goal in my mind and I went after it. I may have not became that famous blogger who got to sit in the house all day typing away at his keyboard, but I did become a better writing in my own way of doing things.

~ keep it all smiles

i just want to be understood

I NEED TO CHANGE.

Anxiety is a bitch. It’s a bitch with a fat wet vagina that lures you in because its safe and comfy. Anxiety dictates the motives and practical lives of people every single day.

But why?

I’m tired of living with this constant fear in my head that continues to dictate how I move about in this world. There’s so much for me to do and so much that I want but I have little drive.

For instant, the other day I went to my local coffee shop for a cup of coffee. I show up late in the day, close to 8pm because I work nights. As the lady was filling my cup, the container ran out, so the large coffee I normally get was only half full. She turned around apologizing saying that she can just charge me half the price or wait for some new coffee to be made. She also added “You look a little busy so…” Of course I didn’t say anything and just accepted the large half full cup of coffee and went on with my day.

Why didn’t I just tell her “Oh it’s fine, no rush, I’ll wait” or just anything that would indicate “HEY I WANT THIS THING FILLED TO THE TOP!” Instead I walked away… fast, to pretend I was busy knowing I wasn’t.

Theres also this girl I like… at the same place. But once again, anxiety rules the day and keeps my mouth closed, letting my voice sound like a mere whisper and having to repeat myself over and over. I mean shit, the woman thought I said I went to go Pee with my friends!

embarrassing.

The only time I am able to conquer anxiety and let who I am shine at the forefront is when I smoke weed, riding my skateboard, or rapping. Other than that, the person who is typing this is hiding behind the finger tips of a growing human waiting for the day he leaves earth with hopes of at least accomplishing something.

~ keep it all smiles

Emotional Wreck. Pt. 1 (deaTh & REbirth)

Challenge accepted but left alone in it’s death.

Have you ever wondered where we travel once we leave? Is it a long road or a long tree…do you heave?

Do the clouds remain the same or do the names change with age?

Theres no one here if you don’t belong so how about a song to fill your ears?

The emptiness of emotions compel the weak mind to contribute what isn’t available.

So what happens when we leave?

Do you know?

I guess time will tell after one or two bullet holes.