Dammit! I was doing so good this year! I made at least a post for each month and planned on to make it the whole year until I got on here today to see that September was one dull as month for me. haha
I can’t say that the best things have happened because they have not but I’m working. I’m working to stop the cascading waterfall of drama that slides down every day and says hello to my fro. I’m pretty sure that I have lessened as writer as well being that all of my sentences look like they were wrote by 19yr old Jamil. But it’s okay. This is my place. You’re only reading this because you wanted to.
I’ll cut the bs though. I’ve been hella depressed lately. I remember how when I would hear the word depression, I would try to imagine what it was like and how someone could let the woes of life lead them into a path of loneliness and for some, self-destruction. Now here I am at the age of 22 (soon to be 23 next month) with a heavy heart, mind full of thoughts, and a list of regrets. These aren’t the only factors that have brought me down and have lead me to cry at some points, but the verbal arguments with my father and having to listen to him basically tell me that I ain’t shit and will never prosper in life because white America says so.
I’m just so tired of taking such a brutal beating. I hate hearing my father curse me out, then apologize, only to curse me out again int he future, forgetting all of the reason he told himself to keep him from being mad. The bull shit doesn’t stop there. My job is more than just a job, its not hell either. It’s pure evil. The people that surround me and the relationships that others try to build with you just so they can cling to your soul and drag you down with them as they search for happiness. I hate it. I really do.
I don’t want to do any of this anymore. I have found what I like to do a long time ago and I’ve always been happy doing it. I’m an artist. But the world doesn’t want me ink to shine bright. The world wants me to follow the sheeple as they carry on with hopeless love and a perverted mind.
~ ill try to keep it all smiles
Guess what guys? The start of the semester has started and I have made the decision to not waste anymore time in a place that was draining life out of me. Now of course you have those people out in the world that are going to say, “You’re supposed to let college drain the life out of you so you can get a better education and a better job.” Well excuse me Mr. fucking retard, you can go ahead and waste your time, at least you can enjoy it. School isn’t for me. I legit sat down in grade school and day dreamed a majority of the time. Why am I gonna go to college to do more day dreaming when I can do it comfortably here at my house?
All I’m saying is, follow your heart and don’t do things that reflect the people around you. If you got friends going to school and you are too and you have tried effortlessly to pass and you just couldn’t, then maybe school isn’t right for you.
~ Keep it all smiles
The last time rain fell from the sky I was in a hospital staring out of the family room of which was occupied by the loved ones of my friend Skittles. The mood seemed to change from mere happiness to the dreadful feeling of worry as we waited outside of the doors to see my friend. We were warned before we entered the room but were also given that little bit of hope that everything was going to work out in the end.
It’s Friday and rain has fallen from the sky again. The wake started at 3PM and I still have yet to make my way to the church. To be honest I’m scared. I’m scared to see him laying their quiet, not saying a word. Skittles was known for a loudmouth and goofy jokes, so seeing him not do neither is scary. It literally sets everything in stone that he is gone, forever.
I still feel like shit for not stopping to say Hi to him when I drove past him a month or so back. I saw him in someone’s front yard being goofy as usual. It hurts.
People that continuously hate on Future, lil Yachty, 21 Savage, and so on need to stop being closed minded. I’m not a fan of these artist but I appreciate their work and give them a listen here and there. What you have to realize is that these artist speak for our generation. Guess what our generation is doing? Drinking lean, smoking weed, doing drugs and going to hardcore rave parties. These rappers are the offspring of who we are as millennials.
Now of course old heads are going to say that they “aren’t real MC’s” or “Their music is garbage,” but listen to yourself! How can you have hate, or a strong dislike against an artist who succeeded with the same given opportunities that most of us have? Music changes with each generation, it won’t be the same. That “Golden Age” of hip hop that all those old heads are yearning for is over. Kendrick and J. Cole aren’t bringing back hip-hop, they’re creating new ways of sharing stories. Future and Yachty aren’t destroying hip-hop, they’re having fun.
As an artist, I believe in the freedom of speech and the freedom to create what you like. Nobody stood up in front of the entire Hip-Hop/Rap Industry in the 1990’s and said “This is how our music will sound like and it will be like this for the rest of its existence.” That’s not how it works! Let us create our music, let Yachty sing terribly over Auto-Tune, and let Desiigner use his copy paste methods. It’s all music, it’s all art, appreciate it.
I’m supposed to be writing everyday on this blog. Now here I am a month or so later finally making a post about how shit is going in my life. If I could describe it with the size of a building, we can just compare it to something out in Dubai.
If reading that made you confused than that’s good becasue my head is in the exact same realm as yours.
*fuck all that other shit lets get to it*
I’m the conspiracy theorist.
I’m the guy who would walk around at work and when at home with friends and tell them about the most craziest shit. I remember back in the day when I was in High School, my homie Cj and I would sit around for hours at a time talking about new conspiracies. From the illuminati to current day issues.
We’ve covered it all.
Now it’s like the entire generation want’s to “Wake Up” after years and years of calling me crazy. You’ve got to be shitting me right? Why does everyone want to be Alex Jones now? I mean come on, why can’t you fuckers go back to telling me that I’m wrong! This isn’t no wanting to feel special type of ordeal, I’m just being serious. How can a person go from disagreeing with you, to wanting to believe you? I mean fuck!
Every time I see a “Stay Woke” post I cringe in anger. I’m about to start being petty and leave slanderous words in their comment boxes becasue fuck em.
I have really begun to hate the internet. Not becasue some dude on reddit called my blog post “blog spam,” but the fact that the internet house’s more people similar to that ass hole of an individual. Yeah, it was nice to know that you keep you shitty writing on your computer but in the end does it really matter? I mean my article is still sitting on engadget’s Public Access page and it even has two shares meaning that two people understood what the fuck I was talking about.
The internet has been pissing me off since I started using it. I have this serious love hate relationship with this hyperlinked way of interaction. I know that the internet can be used for so much good but then at the same time I always find myself in this situations where I’m being bullied by a bunch of nerds who wouldn’t lay a hand on me in public. The internet gives fuck boys a voice but these same people wildn’ out with their internet antics need to realize that its all a facade.
Complaining about this small issue isn’t going to do much for me, I just figured I would share this story with you folks becasue I know that I am not the only one who gets this type of treatment.