So Much Wisdom

So the time has come for the removal of my wisdom teeth. I first want to say that I will not miss all four of them boogers because they made Summer 2022 miserable. Here’s the story.

It all started back in April. One night after work my wisdom teeth were causing my unbearable pain. The pain was SO unbearable that it was triggering my anxiety and almost led to a panic attack. From then on my symptoms would get worse, my teeth would hurt or I would feel light headed. I made an appointment to get these damn things removed but my dumbass had no clue of how to get a dentist or even how the whole insurance thing worked. So unfortunately my first attempt failed because I had to first find a Dentist. (You can’t just show up to the dentist)

Eventually I found a dentist and they are located on Frankfort Ave. Dr Kirk is real cool and the staff are mighty friendly. Anyways they did some X-Rays of my teeth and showed me what I’m dealing with. The top two teeth have cavities and are on the verge of rotting out. The bottom two are fully grown in but are so close to the nerve that I have been warned that if removed, I may lose feeling in my lower Jaw. I was given a referral to a place nearby my dentist office and went to set up an appoint for consultation. Now trying to get that appointment set up is a whole nother story so if you wanna hear about that just hmu on twitter (@JamilBryant).

I had my consultation and the Doctor feels all up on my wisdom teeth with a strong index finger and then looks at me and says “I wish we had a time machine to bring you back to age 16.” He goes on to explain that the top two wisdom teeth will be fairly easy to remove but the bottom two will be difficult due to how close they are to the nerve and all. He pretty much told me the same shit my dentist said about the whole losing feeling in my lower jaw. After that he asked me what I wanted to do and… yeah the rest of the conversation is kind of a blur.

All I know is that this Thursday on the 21st I’m supposed to go in at 10am and get ALL FOUR TEETH removed from my mouth. I’m so happy because for the past week I’ve been on this antibiotic because one of my wisdom teeth broke and it got infected. Talk about PAIN.

Well anyways, If I’m feeling well enough after the surgery I’ll tell y’all all about it. Until then…

~keep it all smiles

I’ma keep on truckin’

Today I found out one of my employees is going to have a baby. He’s an older fellow but I’m happy for him. I wish the best for his family and that UPS supplies the best insurance and money because you know we’re all kind of experiencing the struggle these days.

It was a rather easy night but this week has been kinda rough since my anxiety disorder has decided to creep up on me. I’ve been tired for the last few days and have experienced small but sometimes startling panic attacks. I’ve been good for the past two months without having to take my medicine but I guess life is finally taking ahold of me again. What I don’t understand is why didn’t I go through any of this last month? If you are a follower of my blog you would know that I am a De-Ice coordinator at UPS. I haven’t really blogged about it in a while or maybe I haven’t mentioned it but to make a long story short, my job can get really stressful.

I basically control chaos.

I had this same conversation with one of my good friends who suffers from anxiety and he told me that the symptoms typically settle when you’re calm and relaxing, which is a tad bit infuriating. It’s usually when my mind is calm and at ease that my anxiety is triggered and I begin to panic and feel the impeding sense of doom. That has been the last few days for me, I’ve been tired, feeling dizzy at times, sometimes faint, or tense. Anxiety is shitty if you ask me but I just gotta keep on truckin’. I’ve been prescribed medication but it isn’t daily because my wonderful Doctor gave me the choice of naturally dealing with it. She suggested meditation which I highly advocate but just haven’t committed myself to the practice.

I’ve opted to listen to anxiety relief music which helps at times and I enjoy the tunes very much through headphones.

But that is all for now. I’ll be back soon to talk more.

~ keep it all smiles

Twenty 20 Two

It’s been a while.

A long while I might add, but hey sometimes you just have to step away and come back when you’re ready.

I’ve been coasting through live while contemplating how to overcome my newly discovered anxiety. Panic attacks are not fun and I certainly don’t want to feel on edge every day. I don’t think I never shared that here but I spent 12 hours in the ER all for them to tell me that they don’t know what’s wrong. Then what burns me up about it is that they send me a bill for $1,200 as if the Doctor really did something for me that night.

You would think after having this experience I would be focused on trying to discover way to create a better health care system or causing an uproar online about how shitty out healthcare system is. Well I didn’t think about all of that now and well… It’s too late now lol.

I’ve got more ideas and a lot of jumbled up thoughts so here’s to a new year and frequent blog post on the place I call home on the internet. I mean shit, I’m paying yearly for this domain name so I better get on here and write some shit.

~ keep it all smiles

Ps. I still be talking shit.

A lot has happened

After months of not logging on to wordpress I finally got on here and was greeted by a wordpress courses ad. I thought about enrolling but then I was like “Who’s to say what I can write on here and how I go about it?” I’m pretty sure there’s some useful info I can learn but virtual meetups make me uneasy. It’s the same reason why I kinda flunked out of code louisville. I coulda been a programmer somewhere by now had I stuck with it.

Everything is everything and shit happens for a reason. The past 5 months have been somewhat of a doozy. Back in September I had a panic attack and life hasn’t been the same since. I done got promoted at work and became a supervisor, I’m surrounded by white bitches, and I’m at a weird standstill with music. I haven’t been hitting the garage lately and I’m not sure if its because of my association with weed and music or if I’ve lost motivation. Whatever the case may be my daily habits of inhaling smoke are gone. I’ve also made a lot of beats.

In this midst of the madness I’ve also caught coronavirus and have been playing a lot of Skater XL. I’ve been doing a lot more skating recently but with these cold temperatures I haven’t really made the effort of going outside. It’s just too damn cold and it’s upsetting to even say that because I’m the first motherfucker out of my friends to embrace the cold with pure happiness. I guess I’m getting old. I am 27 now.

Well, that’s enough for now. I’ll be back next time prepared to write better.

~ keep it all smiles

PARASANGS

“See that brother understand where I’m coming from because of the thought patterns. You talking to a brother without a brain, that brother has a thought like a lightning bolt. A lightning bolt that’ll burn a motherfuckin Lee Trevino with a golf club with iron in his goddamn hand that’s why he don’t like metal” – Bizzy Bone

~ keep it all smiles

Here’s what I’ve learned from COVID-19

1.) People are selfish greedy assholes who care entirely about themselves.

2.) White people think they are currently being oppressed and now know what slavery is like after 2 months of sitting at home eating cheetos and attending Zoom meetings.

3.) IF Nuclear bombs were to come and destroy the world, everyday life would be like a Fallout game or societies favorite TV show, The Walking Dead.

4.) Belief in religious figures are apparently more important than saving all of humanity. If God is real than God is the reason this Virus is here and if God is the merciful being people claim God to be than God would not mind you celebrating any religious activity at home. I mean God wouldn’t want to purposely kill their children would they?

5.) Obama was the best president we ever had.

6.) Trump played more Golf in the White House than Obama.

7.) Humans are dirty and clearly do not care about social distancing. (You would after watching the particle video)

8.) If you’re middle class or simply poor you are considered essential and your life isn’t valued as much as someone who spent thousands going to a University to work their boring desk job.

9.) Germs can easily be spread so it’s important to wash your hands and santise any surfaces that you touched.

10.) To be frank, people are Stupid.

add title

I haven’t been learning shit because you have taken up space in my mind. Like how in the hell you living there rent free? You know I charge and thats gonna be a sack of weed and $200 a day cus’ I’m petty.

The fact of the matter is that I don’t know how to get over myself. I don’t know how to get over silly shit that occurs in the everyday lives of just about every fucking human that walks this miserable place. We’re all suffering and surprisingly, the same. I don’t wanna take part in this mental shenanigans so I deleted those pussy ass songs I made which were “munchies 4 ur luv” and the entire tracklist to “Woman Make A Man Sing.”

~ keep it all smiles

ps. i really named it add title. that was not an error.

A Sense of Belonging

The constant cycle of nothingness that has formed inside of my head is quite a wonderful joyride. Sometimes when I look out the window I can relax and take in the scenic routes, although that is only a dream though. I’m trapped inside this never ended thought of how I should really be living life. Am I certainly going to relish in this agony or am I going to revolt and be more than what I could be? It’s its never right or wrong but who cares right?

With so much to tackle in life what’s really worth living for? The materialistic ways of this world or the social constructs we involve ourselves in? I’m just think about it, we build this fantasy land that we love to frolic in but never look beyond the written word. How can this be with such intelligent minds?

Now we’re both lost.

But don’t worry, it was never to be answered. I guess what I really needed to say was, fuck what you think about my sophisticated ways of piecing these words down. The hate I carry can be placed wherever I want and nobody likes to be right there. Such bullshit if you ask me. Such bullshit that this even exist. AND FOR WHAT FUCKING REASON HUH? TELL ME?!

Obligations? yeah so whatever, I’m lazy as fuck and couldn’t give a shit.

Its funny trying to follow a train of thought right?

~ keep it all smiles

i got a website & you don’t

Day three and I managed to leave the bag of cheese flavored Bugles open again. I really need to stop doing that. I can taste how stale they are getting by the day. Its going to be a cold pizza morning. I’m talking about the round ones that are small and can be warmed up in about 2 minutes. I don’t have time, I just got to go because in the end we all die so why waste time?

Time is something that fucks me over and over again because I go against everything I say and stay in my bed asleep for no reason. I’m lost, hopeless, yet on a mission of some sorts and I will get it somehow. It’s all a matter of will and if I can fight off what has caused me to become this bitter slow human.

If only video games could cure me, that would be the much more desirable effect. I can’t complain about what’s has made it to the forefront of my future. With all the bells and whistles, Im set for the years to come.

~ keep it all smiles

ps. NIGGA THIS PIZZA IS FIRE!