exploding rock™

independence

Mack once told me that we’re all late bloomers. The reason why we haven’t gotten to where we want to be is because we aren’t ready yet or some shit. I can’t really remember what he said but when I think back on that little statement it gives me just a little hope. A little hope that its not too late for me to make major changes in my life so I can attain my goals that I am seeking to achieve in an environment that’s peaceful.

Mack once joked about me not having an automobile. Between me and him he was the first one to get a car. He bought an old Malibu from some mexican for $1,000 dollars. That thing gave him hella problems but he was able to get around town and do the things he wanted to. Eventually I saved up enough to get my own whip and now I feel the freedom he feels. That was 6 years ago.

Mack once told me that throwing something in the microwave isn’t cooking. I would laugh and just go on about my business while we played video games together. The next day when I would get on social media I would see him posting videos onto his story whipping up fried chicken and some green beans. Today I dabble in the kitchen more experimenting with different dishes. I mainly just see what I can do with chicken. I’m going to try to whip up something more difficult and make an artsy looking plate.

Mack lives alone. He has an apartment and pays his own bills. Going back over all the things Mack has said to me, he wouldn’t put it in a nice way. It would sometimes be degrading and lowkey feel like he was making fun of me. Looking at it now thats just how he keeps it real with people. He just wanted to see his homie grow.

I have a good job and make decent money. Since being promoted back in 2024 i’ve been saving up to buy a house. I live with my parents and as i’ve said in my songs before, its not the most attractive feature about me. I’m 32 and work with my dad on the weekends which is another thing Mack still makes fun of me for. No matter how hard to try to explain that situation to people they just don’t get it. Not even you.

I’m going to move out soon. I’ve been looking at apartments so I can have some peace of mind while not having to tip toe around my parents. I just want to have the freedom to record music without having to take all my equipment to the garage because my parents are trying to sleep. I’ve spent many cold winters in my fathers garage recording and tbh if it weren’t for that garage I wouldn’t be where I am today.

Part of this change is from my desire to be independent and the betterment of myself. I want to meditate, workout, draw, game, record, and so many other things in peace. Another part is that the woman that I love has highlighted all my questionable qualities and it made me realize that maybe I do need to do a little more.

I’ve been slowly moving my stuff into a storage unit and going through my belongings, throwing stuff out and giving stuff away. This has been going on for a month now.

I have an apartment tour scheduled.

I’m still looking for a house though.

I don’t speak about this because I want it to be a surprise. Luckily none of my friends read this goofy blog so they won’t know. Hell my family doesn’t even know I write shit on the internet for strangers like you to read. This is my online diary and I hope you all enjoy it.

~keep it all smiles

July 10, 2026

books, fiction, life, love, Writing
Where am I.

I wake up with a head full of thoughts that weigh me down and pull at my heart. The search of who I am is merely a journey into the deepest parts of my soul, clawing and scratching until I find the exit. This ego of mine pushes me to reach higher, fly longer, but when will I receive the reward? They say your environment is a reflection of your mind. I’m cleaning mine so is that a sign?

Life has a crazy way of making changes and all you can do is partake and follow through with the outcomes. No matter how intentional you try to be the bullet always catches up to you and there’s not much you can do but take the hit.

I am my own person and I trust my decisions. Most of the time I let my subconscious rally but there’s something about being in the present that sets the tone for a more accommodating feeling. A feeling that rests purely on the joys and sadness this world can bring. A feeling that allows me to engage in suffering.

If I had a choice I would tend to my wounds sooner rather than later but time waits for no man.

I am beautiful.

I am great.

I am everything I say I am even the parts I hate.

Locked out of heaven and standing behind the gates.

~keep it all smiles

July 9, 2026
Attached

All I want is you.

I want someone to accept me for who I am and allow me to grow.

I thought I grew enough but I guess that was never the case as I have been told.

I’m lacking in areas but have plans and ideas to shift to goals I want to achieve.

There’s things I’ve left on the back burner but have not touched.

The law of attraction states that you need to make room and prepare your life for a partner.

Then why did I meet her?

So we can be friends?

So she can shed light on my flaws and leave to let me work on those things?

I’m attached and want her so badly that I’ve cried already. I’ve only ever cried from my deceased friends but now she makes me cry.

I cry over how I think I may be fucking things up or not fulfilling my end.

I cry because I know I’m not the best and try hard to do better but maybe it’s not enough.

I cry because I used to withhold my feelings and didn’t experience them as they are.

So I feel that shit, I let it run through me and make me feel sad, regretful, happy.

Will I ever be enough?

Will I ever be ready?

I’ve never believed that you’ll be ready for anything in life. You just have to do it.

I ask these questions because I am an artist that criticizes his own work.

It may seem like I lack confidence and that gives off unsettling vibes.

You won’t wait forever.

You won’t tutor me.

You won’t show me the way.

I find it hard to let things go.

I’ll hold on to you as long as I can. As long as you’ll let me. But when you let me go I’ll fall. I’ll fall deep where I once used to smoke American spirits down to the bird and throw back shots of whisky.

But I digress.

I feel ready.

I know I can be the man I want to be and the man you want.

What you are seeking is not a person I am not but the better version of me.

The version of me that can fulfill your desires and goals of growth. The intellectual intimacy you crave and simplistic pleasures that come from this world. The calming soul that seeks the deepest parts of your heart and swims to the top with new insight.

I like you.

One day I hope I can say I love you.

This water sign of mine makes things difficult sometimes. We can be cold and possessive but loyal and highly observational.

I won’t lie and say I haven’t looked into my zodiac sign before but it’s all clear to me now.

This helmet on my heart is coming off and I’ll be vulnerable but like I said, you won’t wait forever. You’ve given me time and I sigh because it may be running out.

Can I refill the sand and get a little more time? Just a little?

You check off every box on my list.

Will you let me love you… Or will I have to realize that loving myself is just enough.

~keep it all smiles

July 6, 2026
dreams

Ever since I was a child I’ve had many dreams that I chased. G.I.Joe was a staple in my early childhood and it made me want to join the armed forces. To be honest, I just wanted to be like Snake-Eyes but as I got older I realized that all that goofy shit was just a fantasy and that becoming a super soldier meant strict discipline and sleepless nights hiding my true identity, traits I did not carry. During that time I wanted to be a cartoonist. Cartoons were the world to me growing up and to this day still something I find myself gravitating towards. I used to have a comic called “Somewhere in the ghetto.” It wasn’t funny at all but it was a little piece of me drifting out in the art world. I don’t know why but cartoons slowly drifted out of my life and skateboarding took over my entire life. I still drew cartoons, but I wanted to become a professional skateboarder. I started skating seriously at age 12 and by the time I was 15 my eyes were set on turning pro, or at least becoming sponsored before I graduated high school. All while this was going on I had another dream, I was going to become a mechanic. I specifically attended a school to learn how to work on cars which only lasted for 2 years. Why so short? Oh because money was waved in front of a poor teenager from newburg and I found myself months later after my Junior year of high school working at UPS.

Four dreams, four missions, four goals, all down the drain as I turned towards a life full of boxes, dust, and airplanes.

What do all those dreams have in common though? I could travel. The Army would have stationed me overseas somewhere. Skateboarding would allow me to travel with a team to other countries to film video parts. Cartoons would have given me the opportunity to work for different publishers, relocating, or doing signings for fans. Being a mechanic would have opened the door to many avenues that would have placed me in garages around the US or world if I got on a racing team. All I wanted to do was travel, yet here I am with my parents making rap music in my fathers garage.

Now here we are, sitting on my last dream. Sitting with the very last thing that I am good at. All the things I’ve done in life I was decent at, but with music I’m actually good. I try to be fake humble but that just makes me look like a dude that lacks confidence in himself. When it comes to this music though, I’m actually the shit. Like I am reeeeally good at creating raps and sometimes I can make a dope beat. I don’t know what comes after this other than just continuing my career at UPS but I have to succeed, I have to win for once. I have to prove that I am the greatest to ever write these poems. I want to go on tour, meet my fans, shake their hands, take photos, hear their stories, skate new cities and experience life through my words.

My jealousy brought me here. Its brought these thoughts up and I feel really silly writing all of this but its how I feel.

this is all.

~keep it all smiles

July 4, 2026

life, love, mental-health, skateboarding, Writing
Insufficient storage

The year is slowly coming to a close and I would like to take some time to reflect on the year. A lot of things have happened that I am grateful for and there are some things that I wish didn’t happen. Life is a butterfly effect and the things we do daily mold and shape the future we will eventually walk down.

I joined full time management at UPS in Dec of 2024 and tomorrow (Dec 15) marks a full year in this position. The journey has been interesting as I have been trying to navigate the different avenues presented to me. When people say learning curve I laugh because I’ve been on a learning rollercoaster, going up and down, sometimes sideways. Regardless though, I have had fun and made relationships that wouldn’t have occurred had I gotten promoted.

Aside from becoming a “big time boss,” I’ve really put my foot forward in the music scene. This year I’ve done 5 shows over the summer and have really found my shtick when it comes to stage presence. Nervousness still strikes me before I step on the stage but once I lower my shades I’m a different man in an entirely different universe. Oh and the music… Man I’ve made some of the best music and it just keeps getting better. If I’m being honest, my development as an artist has grown substantially and I can only hope that I can grow stronger as I battle AI haha.

One thing that I learned though is that AI isn’t going to kill skateboarding. I mean it can try and I’m sure there will be a point where AI skate videos will be a thing, but street skating and the credibility a person gets for landing a difficult trick at a particular spot goes a long way. I watched Chris Joslins new “G-MA” part a few days ago and after 8 years he finally did a tre flip down El Toro. For those of you that don’t know what El Toro is, imagine the biggest stair set you have ever seen times 3. I guess I could drop a photo but I’ll let you Google this one.

All in all, skating has been really fun and just the art of creativity has been flowing here lately. I don’t know if it’s because I’m in my 30s seeking acceptance from my peers or acknowledgement from the universe, but I feel like I’m on the battlefield seeking victory in an Everlong war. Whatever this desire is, I plan to conquer it and move right along because as we all know, death is around the corner. If I stop now will I be proud or just depressed? Am I reflecting or resenting my own stress?

Happy holidays and remember, the year isn’t over just yet!

~ keep it all smiles

December 14, 2025

December, reflection
When I blow up, I’ma act like I know everybody.

The blueprint has been laid before me. It is time for my winter arc story. On the other end I will come out smarter, stronger, brighter, and with just a few more dollars than before. The difference? I will have garnered all of this on my own with out the assistance of an employer.

I’m grown now. I finally realize what my father was trying to tell me my entire life. He just wasn’t that good at trying to explain it. Now I’m just trying to work on myself and build of that courage to come face to face with him so we can grow together.

With the way this world works, its unfair we have to find a means to make a “living.” Truthfully we should just be able to live freely off the land and be happy. Of course we’re human with the ability to create so after centuries of building societies and structures, we have come to this.

I’m rambling and nothing makes sense but know this, when my times comes to win, I’ll be creating a new way of life for future generations.

October 21, 2025
I deserve an AA for this one

I suck at planning. I really do. If I would’ve planned things right I could’ve been going down to Lexington today to see John Cena. Maybe it just wasn’t in the cards for me to go but the fact is, I could’ve drew a good hand and made some shit happen. Now I gotta watch Friday Night Smackdown from home and while on my way to work. That’s nothing new to me, I’ve been doing it weekly since I purchased youtube tv 3 years ago. Wrestling has consumed my life like it once did when I was in Middle school and quite frankly, I love it. But if there is one thing I would change right now about my life, its my sense of time and organization. If I had that shit together I would be getting sooo much more shit done. It’s such a hassle when I’m always trying to get some shit together last minute, but I like the spontaneity of it. I remember my ex girlfriend being big on that shit, the whole spontaneous thing that is. I just do shit when I feel like and with no regrets, I mean that’s how we should live life right?

~ keep it all smiles

June 13, 2025

wwe
Vanlife sounds so satisfying right now.

Besides my main goal of becoming a successful hip hop mogul, I want to get into vanlife. Even if its only on the weekends. I watch tons of videos online about vanlife and it intrigues me more and more each time I tune into some of my favorite channels. Right now I’m watching “My Names Teo,” Formally known as winterisblue. He has a simple van setup (one that I critiqued super hard during his build), but it works for him and that’s all that matters at the end of the day.

I myself would like to get a Mercedes Sprinter van and convert it myself. I’m not the best at carpentry or anything but a lot of the people that I watch build their own conversions. I just want to hit the road and travel around the US exploring places I haven’t been. My cousin always pokes fun at me about how I don’t go anywhere so I want to take the chance and travel. I don’t have a girlfriend or kids so I think it would be a great idea for me to do. I work a fulltime job and have some other goals I’m currently working on so I would really just commute on the weekends or when I take vacations from work. I’m working towards a financially free life where my turnkey businesses allow me to do as I please while I take care of the ones I love and uplift the lives of others.

At work the other day while talking to my employees I told them, “I want to wake up and say to myself, What am I gonna do to day? and not what I can.” I understand that not everyone in this world gets what they what but from hard work and hustle you can achieve anything. I don’t know anything about grit, but dammit I’m gonna get some of that shit and make my way to every single checkpoint that life has to offer.

Also I think it would be cool to be on the road and while I’m camped up for the night, writing a blogpost with photos. Just a thought. Youtube videos would probably be the first route I take but logging into wordpress everyday is much easier. So here’s to my future.

~ keep it all smiles

June 2, 2025

camping, life, music, travel, van life, vanlife, winterisblu, Writing
Shelter yourself from the rain by standing under a Tree.

Anybody else enjoy a good storm? Or is it just me?

One day I purposely went to the park while a thunderstorm was approaching so I could go for a walk in the rain. The clouds were letting down a light sprinkle and I figured once I got to the shady area of the walking trail, the trees would cover me. I never leave the house without an umbrella so I reached into the backseat of my car to grab mine before setting off on my little adventure.

As I began to walk, the rain started to pick up and the clouds grew darker as if night was approaching. Half way down the trail the rain really started to pour and I felt like I made a stupid decision. Luckily I made it to the shady section of the walking trail where the trees covered a majority of the area and sheltered me from the torrential downpour.

The park, once silent with only the sounds of chirping birds sounded like the Amazon forest. I’ve never actually been to the Amazon but from national geographic episodes, it sounded pretty doggon close. It felt so relaxing to be standing in the middle of all the rain, watching streams of water splash onto the leaves. I stood there firmly holding my umbrella to keep my hair from getting wet, gazing at the field before me. Occasionally I would tilt my head back to look up at the branches swaying in the wind, allowing water to pass through the foliage.

After a while the sky started to brighten up again and the rain slowly tapered off. I began my trek back up the trail and to my surprise, ran into an old friend. Lance “The Tornado” Lawrence was near the parking area doing some stretches with his training buddies and recognized me from afar. We caught up for a split second before we parted ways so he could do his work outs. I on the other hand went on about my walk as the sun basked me with its warmth. I didn’t walk long though, only to my car so I could drive home lol. It was a good day.

~ keep it all smiles

May 17, 2025

joecreason, park, thunderstorm, trees, walking, water
Stuck in the Void

I stopped trying to learn how to code again.

At this point I think I need to go ahead and take this L. I’m not sure if I’m cut out to be a programmer. Originally I embarked on this programming journey back in 2019 with Code Louisville. I barely made it through the course and when the next semester came, I didn’t sign up to continue. Fast forward to the summer of 2024 and I again tried to learn programming. This time I told myself I would stick with a particular language like Python. As I began to relearn everything I once knew, the news of job cuts in the programming sector started to arrive on my front page and my motivation started to wither.

I have always heard that being a hustler has to run in your DNA. You have to have that grit and that drive. For me? I don’t have any of it. I can go broke tomorrow and won’t have the drive to get back on my feet to make enough money to be stable again. I don’t know if it’s due to laziness or some sort of mental blockage from my previous lifetime but it’s kind of annoying. The only consistency I have in life is through skateboarding and music. But even down those avenues I’ve gotten comfy with where I’m at, only fine tuning small details that I think will stand out if I can deliver the product well enough.

I want more. I want to succeed. I want to break my cycle of laziness and engross myself in something that makes me feel alive. I want to make better music. I want to skate better. I literally just want to create something that I am capable of and feel fulfilled. Why is this so hard?

~ keep it all smiles

May 15, 2025

coding, hustle, programmer, Python, void