Stuck in the Void

I stopped trying to learn how to code again.

At this point I think I need to go ahead and take this L. I’m not sure if I’m cut out to be a programmer. Originally I embarked on this programming journey back in 2019 with Code Louisville. I barely made it through the course and when the next semester came, I didn’t sign up to continue. Fast forward to the summer of 2024 and I again tried to learn programming. This time I told myself I would stick with a particular language like Python. As I began to relearn everything I once knew, the news of job cuts in the programming sector started to arrive on my front page and my motivation started to wither.

I have always heard that being a hustler has to run in your DNA. You have to have that grit and that drive. For me? I don’t have any of it. I can go broke tomorrow and won’t have the drive to get back on my feet to make enough money to be stable again. I don’t know if it’s due to laziness or some sort of mental blockage from my previous lifetime but it’s kind of annoying. The only consistency I have in life is through skateboarding and music. But even down those avenues I’ve gotten comfy with where I’m at, only fine tuning small details that I think will stand out if I can deliver the product well enough.

I want more. I want to succeed. I want to break my cycle of laziness and engross myself in something that makes me feel alive. I want to make better music. I want to skate better. I literally just want to create something that I am capable of and feel fulfilled. Why is this so hard?

~ keep it all smiles