Today I found out one of my employees is going to have a baby. He’s an older fellow but I’m happy for him. I wish the best for his family and that UPS supplies the best insurance and money because you know we’re all kind of experiencing the struggle these days.
It was a rather easy night but this week has been kinda rough since my anxiety disorder has decided to creep up on me. I’ve been tired for the last few days and have experienced small but sometimes startling panic attacks. I’ve been good for the past two months without having to take my medicine but I guess life is finally taking ahold of me again. What I don’t understand is why didn’t I go through any of this last month? If you are a follower of my blog you would know that I am a De-Ice coordinator at UPS. I haven’t really blogged about it in a while or maybe I haven’t mentioned it but to make a long story short, my job can get really stressful.
I basically control chaos.
I had this same conversation with one of my good friends who suffers from anxiety and he told me that the symptoms typically settle when you’re calm and relaxing, which is a tad bit infuriating. It’s usually when my mind is calm and at ease that my anxiety is triggered and I begin to panic and feel the impeding sense of doom. That has been the last few days for me, I’ve been tired, feeling dizzy at times, sometimes faint, or tense. Anxiety is shitty if you ask me but I just gotta keep on truckin’. I’ve been prescribed medication but it isn’t daily because my wonderful Doctor gave me the choice of naturally dealing with it. She suggested meditation which I highly advocate but just haven’t committed myself to the practice.
I’ve opted to listen to anxiety relief music which helps at times and I enjoy the tunes very much through headphones.
But that is all for now. I’ll be back soon to talk more.
~ keep it all smiles
After months of not logging on to wordpress I finally got on here and was greeted by a wordpress courses ad. I thought about enrolling but then I was like “Who’s to say what I can write on here and how I go about it?” I’m pretty sure there’s some useful info I can learn but virtual meetups make me uneasy. It’s the same reason why I kinda flunked out of code louisville. I coulda been a programmer somewhere by now had I stuck with it.
Everything is everything and shit happens for a reason. The past 5 months have been somewhat of a doozy. Back in September I had a panic attack and life hasn’t been the same since. I done got promoted at work and became a supervisor, I’m surrounded by white bitches, and I’m at a weird standstill with music. I haven’t been hitting the garage lately and I’m not sure if its because of my association with weed and music or if I’ve lost motivation. Whatever the case may be my daily habits of inhaling smoke are gone. I’ve also made a lot of beats.
In this midst of the madness I’ve also caught coronavirus and have been playing a lot of Skater XL. I’ve been doing a lot more skating recently but with these cold temperatures I haven’t really made the effort of going outside. It’s just too damn cold and it’s upsetting to even say that because I’m the first motherfucker out of my friends to embrace the cold with pure happiness. I guess I’m getting old. I am 27 now.
Well, that’s enough for now. I’ll be back next time prepared to write better.
~ keep it all smiles
1.) People are selfish greedy assholes who care entirely about themselves.
2.) White people think they are currently being oppressed and now know what slavery is like after 2 months of sitting at home eating cheetos and attending Zoom meetings.
3.) IF Nuclear bombs were to come and destroy the world, everyday life would be like a Fallout game or societies favorite TV show, The Walking Dead.
4.) Belief in religious figures are apparently more important than saving all of humanity. If God is real than God is the reason this Virus is here and if God is the merciful being people claim God to be than God would not mind you celebrating any religious activity at home. I mean God wouldn’t want to purposely kill their children would they?
5.) Obama was the best president we ever had.
6.) Trump played more Golf in the White House than Obama.
7.) Humans are dirty and clearly do not care about social distancing. (You would after watching the particle video)
8.) If you’re middle class or simply poor you are considered essential and your life isn’t valued as much as someone who spent thousands going to a University to work their boring desk job.
9.) Germs can easily be spread so it’s important to wash your hands and santise any surfaces that you touched.
10.) To be frank, people are Stupid.
Day three and I managed to leave the bag of cheese flavored Bugles open again. I really need to stop doing that. I can taste how stale they are getting by the day. Its going to be a cold pizza morning. I’m talking about the round ones that are small and can be warmed up in about 2 minutes. I don’t have time, I just got to go because in the end we all die so why waste time?
Time is something that fucks me over and over again because I go against everything I say and stay in my bed asleep for no reason. I’m lost, hopeless, yet on a mission of some sorts and I will get it somehow. It’s all a matter of will and if I can fight off what has caused me to become this bitter slow human.
If only video games could cure me, that would be the much more desirable effect. I can’t complain about what’s has made it to the forefront of my future. With all the bells and whistles, Im set for the years to come.
~ keep it all smiles
ps. NIGGA THIS PIZZA IS FIRE!
When I get lonely I hop on the internet and look for random social communities to join. From discord to telegram I have made my rounds through the chat servers, talking to strangers and learning about other people who I may never meet.
I remember a few years ago I was in a deep state of depression for a full week. Somehow I stumbled upon a website called recolor, which was this forum where you made a little avatar and when you made post it would pop up as a big bubble next to your character. Lowkey I thought I had found a fun place to hangout on the internet but really the site was just a shithole for immature little kids to drop spam all day. My best friend joined the site and not long after started a roleplay that never really went anywhere. That could possibly be my fault because at some point I started to log in less and less on recolor due to boredom and shit post.
I’m not sure why I go out of my way to find these strange forums and chat rooms when I feel lonely but I always do. Like literally I just downloaded kik for the third time just so I can scour the chatrooms to see if anyone is talking about something interesting. You can learn a lot from strangers but not so much from people on the internet. I find myself lost in the sea of words that 50 other people are posting all at once. It’s usually a tiresome endeavor and whatever forum, app, or site that I signed up for to fill that empty feeling gets thrown away like a rotten vegetable.
Guess I better hop on kik.
~keep it all smiles~
I have 4 wisdom teeth sticking their necks out in the back of my mouth. Specifically the little sucker in the bottom left corner has been bothering me since I woke up yesterday evening.
I’m 26 years old and I still have my wisdom teeth. Just thinking about having the surgery to have all 4 teeth taken out turns my stomach upside down. The surgery isn’t what I’m afraid about, it’s the pain I will have to deal with after. These bad boys have been growing since age 21 and I’m certain that once they rip these HUGE ASS teeth from my dental cavity I’ll be feeling the effects days on end. I’m no dentist so everything I’m saying are just pure guess’s to what may possibly happen.
As my father always says, “Men don’t go to the hospital unless they are seriously ill or injured.” He surely isn’t lying about that either because the last time I went to the hospital was when I got hit by a car riding my back in September of 2017. Prior to that I hadn’t been to a doctor since the age of 18. So instead of being an average man, I need to find my dental insurance card and go to the dentist. The PAIN IN MY MOUTH IS INTENSE GAT DAMMIT! Not to mention that this has been going on more frequently for a few months now. Before my jaw would hurt occasionally and I’d take some ibuprofen and I was good. That shit ain’t working no more… NO MORE.
but as always…
~keep it all smiles~
ps. If you are a dentist and read this, please tell me its going to be okay.
I never really have a plan of attack. My gun shoots aimlessly until I strike something. Usually that never happens though and I end up sitting on the curb with a cigarette in one hand and a bottle of fiji in the other.
To be more clear, when it comes to life my agenda has no plans. Ideas live inside of my head but the outcomes are always faulty which results in me trying to rewire circuitry that I didn’t intend on creating. This slow trot to a better life has been gruelling. Have you ever had to consider two or more options but get stuck on one of them that doesn’t give you any purpose? Does life know that?
Considering the fact that at this point I might sound crazy, I deem the world around me as the biggest distraction and try whole heartedly to beg for my own forgiveness for the sins I indulge in. Can you see the plot thicken? The walls closing in with no doors to escape? Thats how it works in my mind. From the times I sit there and try to plan ahead I’m pushed aside by fears and social anxieties. The smell of her hair, the scuff on his shoe, the coffee that was spilled. I’m constantly being filled with the awful of idea of life but then I realize that this game is more than me. It’s more than us and the person behind the computer. It’s more then the generator that pushes the train forward.
But what could this be? What could this blockage amounting to thousands upon THOUSANDS of foiled plans really be?
My answer is just as good as yours. We are both lost and that is why when I stare at my agenda I don’t know what I’m looking at. I see nothing but the void of life and candle wax dripping on the side of a pornstars tit.
~ keep it all smiles ~
I just realized that my blog is more SAD than exploding rock. All I do is write a bunch of weird shit that adds ups to an overall sad story. Whether I like it or not I haven’t figured out yet but with all of these words in my head, they gotta go somewhere?
~ keep it all smiles
Long ago when I was young the days seemed long and my summers seemed precious. Thanks to age and defying storylines that created the most eccentric and fun filled memories of my life, I’ve become a man named Afro.
Afro is a simple guy, he smokes American Spirits, listens to the same rotation of music for long periods of time before he switches songs, and he is always after something.
These “somethings” can be but of many things. A computer, skateboards, an atlantis BIC, heine bros coffee, a woman, money, a college degree, and the list goes on.
With so much on the table, Afro feels overwhelmed and turns to vibrations of sound to express his feelings towards everyday life and how he is treated.
Sometimes Afro chains smokes cigarettes will drinking starbucks coffee that was brewed at home inside of a small little garage. This garage is what Afro has dubbed “Studio 24,” and creates a lot of his music inside of those four corners.
When Afro is alone he gets really sad, so sad that he smokes more weed and chains smokes more cigarettes to ease his mind as he tries to write through his blurry eyes. Even when Afro does this to himself he still doesn’t shed a single tear. He tries to but most of the time it doesn’t happen.
Frustrated Afro reaches for a bottle that only holds 24oz’s.
He then cries every tear he was holding in until he falls asleep.
~ keep it all smiles
I never thought that I would be a blogger… at least this long.
It was always something I wanted to do because I enjoy writing and was always intrigued with the fact that I can share my opinion online and people will actually read it.
When I was younger I used to want to be a “professional blogger,” which I tried my hardest to accomplish. I think at the time it was mainly because I wanted money, but what fueled my ambition the most was that I had to create the product for the reader.
I was 16 years old when this site was created and my first post dealt with various types of poop. You can read it here. If you didn’t click the link than I will tell you that my first post was basically a list of goofy names given to various pooping scenarios such as “King Poop,” which is that big block of poop that you push out after eating Fourth of July BBQ all day.
From my first post to this one, I have wrote many stories ranging from life experiences, failed relationships, poetry, my opinions on technology, and when I started smoking weed, a category dedicated to my high thoughts.
My original idea behind this site was to create content that would “Explode” in your face and I think I somewhat did that. I haven’t been much of a blogger lately, I’ve been spending a lot of time in my Google Keep notes writing rhymes or on ableton live producing music. I can say that I need to pick this back up because the joy of brainstorming to find the write words brightens my day and encourages me to strive for me. (I don’t like any of these words I chose for that last sentence lol)
So here we are, 10 years later at the ripe age of 25. I’m glad I was able to keep up this hobby, even when I lost motivation and wouldn’t even type wordpress.com in my browser. I’m not the best blogger, nor do I consider myself the best writer, but at the end of the day its the fact that I had a goal in my mind and I went after it. I may have not became that famous blogger who got to sit in the house all day typing away at his keyboard, but I did become a better writing in my own way of doing things.
~ keep it all smiles