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Dammit! I was doing so good this year! I made at least a post for each month and planned on to make it the whole year until I got on here today to see that September was one dull as month for me. haha

I can’t say that the best things have happened because they have not but I’m working. I’m working to stop the cascading waterfall of drama that slides down every day and says hello to my fro. I’m pretty sure that I have lessened as writer as well being that all of my sentences look like they were wrote by 19yr old Jamil. But it’s okay. This is my place. You’re only reading this because you wanted to. 

I’ll cut the bs though. I’ve been hella depressed lately. I remember how when I would hear the word depression, I would try to imagine what it was like and how someone could let the woes of life lead them into a path of loneliness and for some, self-destruction. Now here I am at the age of 22 (soon to be 23 next month) with a heavy heart, mind full of thoughts, and a list of regrets. These aren’t the only factors that have brought me down and have lead me to cry at some points, but the verbal arguments with my father and having to listen to him basically tell me that I ain’t shit and will never prosper in life because white America says so.

I’m just so tired of taking such a brutal beating. I hate hearing my father curse me out, then apologize, only to curse me out again int he future, forgetting all of the reason he told himself to keep him from being mad. The bull shit doesn’t stop there. My job is more than just a job, its not hell either. It’s pure evil. The people that surround me and the relationships that others try to build with you just so they can cling to your soul and drag you down with them as they search for happiness. I hate it. I really do.

I don’t want to do any of this anymore. I have found what I like to do a long time ago and I’ve always been happy doing it. I’m an artist. But the world doesn’t want me ink to shine bright. The world wants me to follow the sheeple as they carry on with hopeless love and a perverted mind.

~ ill try to keep it all smiles

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