feedback loop hole from hell

I’ve literally wasted hours thinking about you.

Thinking of how to approach you in a way that doesnt make me feel weird.

I want to talk to you, listen to your voice as it soothes my soul.

I want to learn about what makes you tick and how you move about your day.

I want to know what inspires you to live a fulfulled life full of hard work and fun summers.

How do I do that? How do I escape this train of thought that has crashed several times into a brick wall?

Today I planned on simply doing homework and mainly focusing on my TreeHouse track. That didn’t happen. I’ve spent most of the day moping and gathering useless thoughts. i don’t wanna do this anymore. I don’t know what love is or this feeling I have but I don’t want to have it anymore. It pains me to even it say it but I’m tired of putting myself through this. I’m tired of staring at your beauty afraid of watching you share it with someone else. I’m tired of writing new music that centers around my desires of knowing you but my fear of losing a stranger.

I’ve always wondered what it is that makes a woman attractive. Like what are those features that I adore about you so much? Its indescribable. I feel comfortable and afraid, scared to even say your name.

I just wish I wasn’t so shy and built up all these fantasy stories in my head of how I see the future. I read a book a not to long ago that actually described what I’m going through.

“You get anxious about confronting somebody in your life. That anxiety cripples you and you start wondering why you’re so anxious. Now you’re becoming anxious about being anxious. Oh no! Doubly anxious! Now you’re anxious about your anxiety, which is causing more anxiety. Quick, where’s the whiskey?I just wish I wasn’t so shy and built up all these fantasy stories in my head of how I see the future. I read a book a not to long ago that actually described what I’m going through. – Mark Manson”

The feedback loop hole from hell is a cycle I hate, I fell for the bait so I might as well get ate.

i just wanna know why this happened.

~ … keep it all smiles