I DON’T WANT TO WRITE ABOUT YOU ANYMORE. YOU HAVE BECOME MY MUSE AND THE TOXICITY IS KILLING ME. IT WOULD’VE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER IF THINGS NEVER WENT THIS ROUTE AND IF I NEVER MADE LOVE SONGS ABOUT YOU. I SCARED PEOPLE NOT TO LONG AGO BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO KILL MYSELF BUT WHY WOULD I DO THAT WHEN YOU’RE GOING TO GO ON WITH YOUR HAPPY LIFE. SUICIDE IS STUPID AND LOVE IS STUPID. I’VE GROWN SO BITTER THAT I HATE IT AND ALL I WANT IS HAPPINESS. I DON’T EVEN LIKE SMOKING CIGARETTES BUT EACH DAY I SMOKE ONE MORE THAN THE DAY PRIOR.

feedback loop hole from hell

I’ve literally wasted hours thinking about you.

Thinking of how to approach you in a way that doesnt make me feel weird.

I want to talk to you, listen to your voice as it soothes my soul.

I want to learn about what makes you tick and how you move about your day.

I want to know what inspires you to live a fulfulled life full of hard work and fun summers.

How do I do that? How do I escape this train of thought that has crashed several times into a brick wall?

Today I planned on simply doing homework and mainly focusing on my TreeHouse track. That didn’t happen. I’ve spent most of the day moping and gathering useless thoughts. i don’t wanna do this anymore. I don’t know what love is or this feeling I have but I don’t want to have it anymore. It pains me to even it say it but I’m tired of putting myself through this. I’m tired of staring at your beauty afraid of watching you share it with someone else. I’m tired of writing new music that centers around my desires of knowing you but my fear of losing a stranger.

I’ve always wondered what it is that makes a woman attractive. Like what are those features that I adore about you so much? Its indescribable. I feel comfortable and afraid, scared to even say your name.

I just wish I wasn’t so shy and built up all these fantasy stories in my head of how I see the future. I read a book a not to long ago that actually described what I’m going through.

You get anxious about confronting somebody in your life. That anxiety cripples you and you start wondering why you’re so anxious. Now you’re becoming anxious about being anxious. Oh no! Doubly anxious! Now you’re anxious about your anxiety, which is causing more anxiety. Quick, where’s the whiskey?I just wish I wasn’t so shy and built up all these fantasy stories in my head of how I see the future. I read a book a not to long ago that actually described what I’m going through. – Mark Manson”

The feedback loop hole from hell is a cycle I hate, I fell for the bait so I might as well get ate.

i just wanna know why this happened.

~ … keep it all smiles

wish me luck

My nerves are unsettling leaving my brain in an altered state of crying.

This serves as my choices that have brought me here.

in 24 hours i have to tell you or i wont stop doing weird shit like this.

~ keep it all smiles

her

I’ve been afraid to show my face

Its the reason why I have been gone

Deep within me I long for you

Its so challenging through my woes

You’re smile

You’re hair

You’re face

I so dearly miss it

I wish to see you more but you don’t seem to want me

It makes me sad and sometimes my eyes swell

Heartbreak I’ve met before

~ looking down cus’ God do

saad.01

Running from you because Im scared. I’ve never been able to express myself to you and it’s hard. I want to let you know how I feel. I’ve done nothing more than make a silly song that I don’t even think you took the time to hear. You don’t have the time for me, I get it. But I want more than just a couple minutes.

~ keep it all smiles

Emotional Wreck. Pt. 1 (deaTh & REbirth)

Challenge accepted but left alone in it’s death.

Have you ever wondered where we travel once we leave? Is it a long road or a long tree…do you heave?

Do the clouds remain the same or do the names change with age?

Theres no one here if you don’t belong so how about a song to fill your ears?

The emptiness of emotions compel the weak mind to contribute what isn’t available.

So what happens when we leave?

Do you know?

I guess time will tell after one or two bullet holes.