I used to write on this site all the time but it seems here lately that I have forgotten that I even own a blog. These days I’m caught up in instagram, tiktoks, and whatever I find on YouTube to help me go to sleep. I think its time that I update everyone on what I have been up too which hasn’t been much.
Firstly I would like to discuss my recent addiction to manga. Now I have been an on and off reader of manga for a few years now. Back in Highschool (11 years ago) is when I first started looking into manga. I found this one book (which I can’t remember the name of) and read it in one day during English class. I think this was my sophomore year. It went by so quick that I wanted to buy the next book but I had no money. Fast forward to 2018 and had ShoenJump on my phone and MangaRock. I found this laid back manga called “Flat” which I thoroughly enjoyed but never got to finish because MangaRock got shut down. I also started to read “Fire Force” at the time as well. Sometime went by after that brief period and I hadn’t even opened up a manga or even tried to read one. When the pandemic hit I became a huge fan of Anime. I had already been watching Anime on and off but the Pandemic gave me all the time in the world to binge new genres that I never even thought about getting into. This is when I discovered I liked Slice of Life. For a full year all I did was watch Manga but in 2022 I kinda slowed down. I had just finished up the 3rds season to Fruits Basket and started up a new Anime which was Life Lessons with Urimichi Oniisan. It took awhile for me to finish that Anime as my life was started to pick back up and I had activities outside to do like skateboarding.
Once I started to suffer from Anxiety/Panic attacks I found myself house ridden and not wanting to leave anymore finding solace in my bedroom. Staying at home and being alone did not help with my anxiety because I would always feel on edge as if another attack was going to spur at any moment. To null that feeling I remember trying to read some manga on the ShoenJump app on my phone. I always hated trying to read on my phone because of the screen size so I picked up a Kindle Fire I gifted my mom a few years ago and sideloaded the ShoenJump app on there. Scrolling through I decided to read “Spy X Family” which kept popping up as an AD. This was waaay before the Anime came out and they were only 50 chapters in. While reading that manga I also started “Sakamoto Days” which I binged for a while. In the midst of all of this I also got really into Manhua and Webtoons.
Now here we are in 2023 and I am reading many different books. I also got into buying hard copies because I love reading the afterwards. Some of my favorites that I bought are Sweat & Soap, Living Room Matsunaga San, Crazy Food Truck, Persona 5, A Galaxy Next Door, and a bunch others.
MY FAVORITE MANGA RIGHT NOW THOUGH IS DANDADAN. I HAVE THE FIRST BOOK AND PLAN TO BUY THE SECOND BUT I’M ALREADY CAUGHT UP ON THE STORY BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN READING IT EVERY MONDAY ON MANGA PLUS APP. IT’S A REALLY GREAT MANGA AND YOU SHOULD READ IT TOO.
Well… that concludes my blog post.
~ keep it all smiles
So the time has come for the removal of my wisdom teeth. I first want to say that I will not miss all four of them boogers because they made Summer 2022 miserable. Here’s the story.
It all started back in April. One night after work my wisdom teeth were causing my unbearable pain. The pain was SO unbearable that it was triggering my anxiety and almost led to a panic attack. From then on my symptoms would get worse, my teeth would hurt or I would feel light headed. I made an appointment to get these damn things removed but my dumbass had no clue of how to get a dentist or even how the whole insurance thing worked. So unfortunately my first attempt failed because I had to first find a Dentist. (You can’t just show up to the dentist)
Eventually I found a dentist and they are located on Frankfort Ave. Dr Kirk is real cool and the staff are mighty friendly. Anyways they did some X-Rays of my teeth and showed me what I’m dealing with. The top two teeth have cavities and are on the verge of rotting out. The bottom two are fully grown in but are so close to the nerve that I have been warned that if removed, I may lose feeling in my lower Jaw. I was given a referral to a place nearby my dentist office and went to set up an appoint for consultation. Now trying to get that appointment set up is a whole nother story so if you wanna hear about that just hmu on twitter (@JamilBryant).
I had my consultation and the Doctor feels all up on my wisdom teeth with a strong index finger and then looks at me and says “I wish we had a time machine to bring you back to age 16.” He goes on to explain that the top two wisdom teeth will be fairly easy to remove but the bottom two will be difficult due to how close they are to the nerve and all. He pretty much told me the same shit my dentist said about the whole losing feeling in my lower jaw. After that he asked me what I wanted to do and… yeah the rest of the conversation is kind of a blur.
All I know is that this Thursday on the 21st I’m supposed to go in at 10am and get ALL FOUR TEETH removed from my mouth. I’m so happy because for the past week I’ve been on this antibiotic because one of my wisdom teeth broke and it got infected. Talk about PAIN.
Well anyways, If I’m feeling well enough after the surgery I’ll tell y’all all about it. Until then…
~keep it all smiles
It’s been a while.
A long while I might add, but hey sometimes you just have to step away and come back when you’re ready.
I’ve been coasting through live while contemplating how to overcome my newly discovered anxiety. Panic attacks are not fun and I certainly don’t want to feel on edge every day. I don’t think I never shared that here but I spent 12 hours in the ER all for them to tell me that they don’t know what’s wrong. Then what burns me up about it is that they send me a bill for $1,200 as if the Doctor really did something for me that night.
You would think after having this experience I would be focused on trying to discover way to create a better health care system or causing an uproar online about how shitty out healthcare system is. Well I didn’t think about all of that now and well… It’s too late now lol.
I’ve got more ideas and a lot of jumbled up thoughts so here’s to a new year and frequent blog post on the place I call home on the internet. I mean shit, I’m paying yearly for this domain name so I better get on here and write some shit.
~ keep it all smiles
Ps. I still be talking shit.
“See that brother understand where I’m coming from because of the thought patterns. You talking to a brother without a brain, that brother has a thought like a lightning bolt. A lightning bolt that’ll burn a motherfuckin Lee Trevino with a golf club with iron in his goddamn hand that’s why he don’t like metal” – Bizzy Bone
~ keep it all smiles
I DON’T WANT TO WRITE ABOUT YOU ANYMORE. YOU HAVE BECOME MY MUSE AND THE TOXICITY IS KILLING ME. IT WOULD’VE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER IF THINGS NEVER WENT THIS ROUTE AND IF I NEVER MADE LOVE SONGS ABOUT YOU. I SCARED PEOPLE NOT TO LONG AGO BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO KILL MYSELF BUT WHY WOULD I DO THAT WHEN YOU’RE GOING TO GO ON WITH YOUR HAPPY LIFE. SUICIDE IS STUPID AND LOVE IS STUPID. I’VE GROWN SO BITTER THAT I HATE IT AND ALL I WANT IS HAPPINESS. I DON’T EVEN LIKE SMOKING CIGARETTES BUT EACH DAY I SMOKE ONE MORE THAN THE DAY PRIOR.
Even though you broke my heart, I still haven’t gone to starbucks.
my dad is literally a fake buddhist.
He gon’ pee on my new car seats.
I’ve literally wasted hours thinking about you.
Thinking of how to approach you in a way that doesnt make me feel weird.
I want to talk to you, listen to your voice as it soothes my soul.
I want to learn about what makes you tick and how you move about your day.
I want to know what inspires you to live a fulfulled life full of hard work and fun summers.
How do I do that? How do I escape this train of thought that has crashed several times into a brick wall?
Today I planned on simply doing homework and mainly focusing on my TreeHouse track. That didn’t happen. I’ve spent most of the day moping and gathering useless thoughts. i don’t wanna do this anymore. I don’t know what love is or this feeling I have but I don’t want to have it anymore. It pains me to even it say it but I’m tired of putting myself through this. I’m tired of staring at your beauty afraid of watching you share it with someone else. I’m tired of writing new music that centers around my desires of knowing you but my fear of losing a stranger.
I’ve always wondered what it is that makes a woman attractive. Like what are those features that I adore about you so much? Its indescribable. I feel comfortable and afraid, scared to even say your name.
I just wish I wasn’t so shy and built up all these fantasy stories in my head of how I see the future. I read a book a not to long ago that actually described what I’m going through.
“You get anxious about confronting somebody in your life. That anxiety cripples you and you start wondering why you’re so anxious. Now you’re becoming anxious about being anxious. Oh no! Doubly anxious! Now you’re anxious about your anxiety, which is causing more anxiety. Quick, where’s the whiskey?I just wish I wasn’t so shy and built up all these fantasy stories in my head of how I see the future. I read a book a not to long ago that actually described what I’m going through. – Mark Manson”
The feedback loop hole from hell is a cycle I hate, I fell for the bait so I might as well get ate.
i just wanna know why this happened.
~ … keep it all smiles
My nerves are unsettling leaving my brain in an altered state of crying.
This serves as my choices that have brought me here.
in 24 hours i have to tell you or i wont stop doing weird shit like this.
~ keep it all smiles