So Much Wisdom

So the time has come for the removal of my wisdom teeth. I first want to say that I will not miss all four of them boogers because they made Summer 2022 miserable. Here’s the story.

It all started back in April. One night after work my wisdom teeth were causing my unbearable pain. The pain was SO unbearable that it was triggering my anxiety and almost led to a panic attack. From then on my symptoms would get worse, my teeth would hurt or I would feel light headed. I made an appointment to get these damn things removed but my dumbass had no clue of how to get a dentist or even how the whole insurance thing worked. So unfortunately my first attempt failed because I had to first find a Dentist. (You can’t just show up to the dentist)

Eventually I found a dentist and they are located on Frankfort Ave. Dr Kirk is real cool and the staff are mighty friendly. Anyways they did some X-Rays of my teeth and showed me what I’m dealing with. The top two teeth have cavities and are on the verge of rotting out. The bottom two are fully grown in but are so close to the nerve that I have been warned that if removed, I may lose feeling in my lower Jaw. I was given a referral to a place nearby my dentist office and went to set up an appoint for consultation. Now trying to get that appointment set up is a whole nother story so if you wanna hear about that just hmu on twitter (@JamilBryant).

I had my consultation and the Doctor feels all up on my wisdom teeth with a strong index finger and then looks at me and says “I wish we had a time machine to bring you back to age 16.” He goes on to explain that the top two wisdom teeth will be fairly easy to remove but the bottom two will be difficult due to how close they are to the nerve and all. He pretty much told me the same shit my dentist said about the whole losing feeling in my lower jaw. After that he asked me what I wanted to do and… yeah the rest of the conversation is kind of a blur.

All I know is that this Thursday on the 21st I’m supposed to go in at 10am and get ALL FOUR TEETH removed from my mouth. I’m so happy because for the past week I’ve been on this antibiotic because one of my wisdom teeth broke and it got infected. Talk about PAIN.

Well anyways, If I’m feeling well enough after the surgery I’ll tell y’all all about it. Until then…

~keep it all smiles

Twenty 20 Two

It’s been a while.

A long while I might add, but hey sometimes you just have to step away and come back when you’re ready.

I’ve been coasting through live while contemplating how to overcome my newly discovered anxiety. Panic attacks are not fun and I certainly don’t want to feel on edge every day. I don’t think I never shared that here but I spent 12 hours in the ER all for them to tell me that they don’t know what’s wrong. Then what burns me up about it is that they send me a bill for $1,200 as if the Doctor really did something for me that night.

You would think after having this experience I would be focused on trying to discover way to create a better health care system or causing an uproar online about how shitty out healthcare system is. Well I didn’t think about all of that now and well… It’s too late now lol.

I’ve got more ideas and a lot of jumbled up thoughts so here’s to a new year and frequent blog post on the place I call home on the internet. I mean shit, I’m paying yearly for this domain name so I better get on here and write some shit.

~ keep it all smiles

Ps. I still be talking shit.

PARASANGS

“See that brother understand where I’m coming from because of the thought patterns. You talking to a brother without a brain, that brother has a thought like a lightning bolt. A lightning bolt that’ll burn a motherfuckin Lee Trevino with a golf club with iron in his goddamn hand that’s why he don’t like metal” – Bizzy Bone

~ keep it all smiles

I DON’T WANT TO WRITE ABOUT YOU ANYMORE. YOU HAVE BECOME MY MUSE AND THE TOXICITY IS KILLING ME. IT WOULD’VE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER IF THINGS NEVER WENT THIS ROUTE AND IF I NEVER MADE LOVE SONGS ABOUT YOU. I SCARED PEOPLE NOT TO LONG AGO BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO KILL MYSELF BUT WHY WOULD I DO THAT WHEN YOU’RE GOING TO GO ON WITH YOUR HAPPY LIFE. SUICIDE IS STUPID AND LOVE IS STUPID. I’VE GROWN SO BITTER THAT I HATE IT AND ALL I WANT IS HAPPINESS. I DON’T EVEN LIKE SMOKING CIGARETTES BUT EACH DAY I SMOKE ONE MORE THAN THE DAY PRIOR.

feedback loop hole from hell

I’ve literally wasted hours thinking about you.

Thinking of how to approach you in a way that doesnt make me feel weird.

I want to talk to you, listen to your voice as it soothes my soul.

I want to learn about what makes you tick and how you move about your day.

I want to know what inspires you to live a fulfulled life full of hard work and fun summers.

How do I do that? How do I escape this train of thought that has crashed several times into a brick wall?

Today I planned on simply doing homework and mainly focusing on my TreeHouse track. That didn’t happen. I’ve spent most of the day moping and gathering useless thoughts. i don’t wanna do this anymore. I don’t know what love is or this feeling I have but I don’t want to have it anymore. It pains me to even it say it but I’m tired of putting myself through this. I’m tired of staring at your beauty afraid of watching you share it with someone else. I’m tired of writing new music that centers around my desires of knowing you but my fear of losing a stranger.

I’ve always wondered what it is that makes a woman attractive. Like what are those features that I adore about you so much? Its indescribable. I feel comfortable and afraid, scared to even say your name.

I just wish I wasn’t so shy and built up all these fantasy stories in my head of how I see the future. I read a book a not to long ago that actually described what I’m going through.

You get anxious about confronting somebody in your life. That anxiety cripples you and you start wondering why you’re so anxious. Now you’re becoming anxious about being anxious. Oh no! Doubly anxious! Now you’re anxious about your anxiety, which is causing more anxiety. Quick, where’s the whiskey?I just wish I wasn’t so shy and built up all these fantasy stories in my head of how I see the future. I read a book a not to long ago that actually described what I’m going through. – Mark Manson”

The feedback loop hole from hell is a cycle I hate, I fell for the bait so I might as well get ate.

i just wanna know why this happened.

~ … keep it all smiles

her

I’ve been afraid to show my face

Its the reason why I have been gone

Deep within me I long for you

Its so challenging through my woes

You’re smile

You’re hair

You’re face

I so dearly miss it

I wish to see you more but you don’t seem to want me

It makes me sad and sometimes my eyes swell

Heartbreak I’ve met before

~ looking down cus’ God do