For everyone we all have that one day in the year where we gather friends and family and celebrate the day we were born. Its just another part of life that we have accepted and cherish as we grow old and wither away. Every year when the month of November rolls around I feel the hype settle in and my nerves start to rattle. I’m going to be another year older and another year of not getting shit done. Yeah I know that sounds bad but really, earlier tonight I had what I call an “Early Life Crisis.” Does is sound stupid? Yes. Am I being serious about all of this? Yes. So what is this young afrocentric black kid rambling on about?
Dreams…
Remember when you were younger sitting back in your room or watching TV…or whatever the hell it was that you did when you were a kid, you would think about the future? I know I did a whole lot. I remember a specific time back in elementary school when I was on the bus thinking about what the future may hold for me. Just like an ordinary brain washed American, I figured I would graduate from high school, go to college, get a degree in whatever, and then get a good job and be out the house by the age of 23. Fast forward to today and here I am with no car, a low paying job, and living in my parents house getting yelled at for eating the last hot pocket. The life I live now isn’t what I envisioned years ago. Hell, I didn’t even think I would be a skateboarder or a writer for a tech website.
As these days go on, I start to think more and more about what I really want to do in life. Right now, everything seems to be at a halt due to my father trying to drag me into running his business and me grudgingly trying to skate away. I’ve really been thrown right in-between a rock and a hard place and its kinda’ hard to get out. I have dreams of becoming a professional skateboarder and traveling the world. I also have other dreams of becoming a computer programmer, famous blogger, and owner of one of the worlds most popular social networking websites. I WANT TO BE THE BLACK STEVE JOBS. The problem is, I got a lot on my plate. I mean look back at the list I just wrote and tell me each task isn’t difficult to achieve. I know I can do it but theres this thing called “lack of Motivation” that seeps in. Now for skateboarding, my lack of motivation never touches it, I forever carry the love of skating with me and day dream about it (like right now). But then there are my other goals like learning to program and being a famous writer. Those types of goals I need to go to school for, or at least find some type of schooling that dodges the whole concept of having to take general education classes. Ya’ know, something like hacker school in NY.
In the end after analyzing everything I go into this depressed mode and start crying (not really), but I have actually broke down before in my bathroom thinking about life. Life in general is such a tricky dilemma, and I say dilemma because we have to do so much to sustain a healthy body and then turn around and do work using either our brains or physical labor. It sometimes leads me to question why people don’t ever want to die and live forever on earth. Sounds a bit silly to me (and no that wasn’t a suicidal thought).
To be honest about everything, I don’t think I planned out life properly. Its either that or I am really just too mellow and have no care in trying to prosper in this world that I have taken the role of that guy who lives with is parents his whole life chasing a dream that he’ll never catch. But thats not what I believe in because the dreams and ambitions that I have in life will eventually come to fruition. As usual I’m just overthinking life and not focusing on the hard work that I need to commit to so I can become the mere thoughts I have of myself.
So as I usually say…maybe One Day.
ps. Another note, I’m 21 guys. It feels a tad bit weird being able to walk inside of a bar with a bunch of older people drinking beer and playing pool, but I got the rest of my life of having this sort of freedom bestowed upon me. In some sense its cool but in other case’s is like, “I’ve waited 21 years just to do this?” lol But you know man, thats life and I’ve been kick pushing through a majority of it. Guess I’ll keep on kicking.
exploding rock™ 