Attached

All I want is you.

I want someone to accept me for who I am and allow me to grow.

I thought I grew enough but I guess that was never the case as I have been told.

I’m lacking in areas but have plans and ideas to shift to goals I want to achieve.

There’s things I’ve left on the back burner but have not touched.

The law of attraction states that you need to make room and prepare your life for a partner.

Then why did I meet her?

So we can be friends?

So she can shed light on my flaws and leave to let me work on those things?

I’m attached and want her so badly that I’ve cried already. I’ve only ever cried from my deceased friends but now she makes me cry.

I cry over how I think I may be fucking things up or not fulfilling my end.

I cry because I know I’m not the best and try hard to do better but maybe it’s not enough.

I cry because I used to withhold my feelings and didn’t experience them as they are.

So I feel that shit, I let it run through me and make me feel sad, regretful, happy.

Will I ever be enough?

Will I ever be ready?

I’ve never believed that you’ll be ready for anything in life. You just have to do it.

I ask these questions because I am an artist that criticizes his own work.

It may seem like I lack confidence and that gives off unsettling vibes.

You won’t wait forever.

You won’t tutor me.

You won’t show me the way.

I find it hard to let things go.

I’ll hold on to you as long as I can. As long as you’ll let me. But when you let me go I’ll fall. I’ll fall deep where I once used to smoke American spirits down to the bird and throw back shots of whisky.

But I digress.

I feel ready.

I know I can be the man I want to be and the man you want.

What you are seeking is not a person I am not but the better version of me.

The version of me that can fulfill your desires and goals of growth. The intellectual intimacy you crave and simplistic pleasures that come from this world. The calming soul that seeks the deepest parts of your heart and swims to the top with new insight.

I like you.

One day I hope I can say I love you.

This water sign of mine makes things difficult sometimes. We can be cold and possessive but loyal and highly observational.

I won’t lie and say I haven’t looked into my zodiac sign before but it’s all clear to me now.

This helmet on my heart is coming off and I’ll be vulnerable but like I said, you won’t wait forever. You’ve given me time and I sigh because it may be running out.

Can I refill the sand and get a little more time? Just a little?

You check off every box on my list.

Will you let me love you… Or will I have to realize that loving myself is just enough.

~keep it all smiles