exploding rock™

Author: Mr.Bryant

  • Twenty twenty fo’

    Communication is hard.

    Trying to convey a message or share feelings with someone never comes easy. I’m awesome at doing just that, not know how to talk to people or get a point across. Communicating has always been difficult for me. I know that sounds crazy since I make music but really, talking to people is hard sometimes.

    At this very moment in my life I have several different scenarios where my communication skills are very poor. I’m a huge overthinker and just trying to get the fucking message clear in my head is sometimes a struggle. What do I do in moments of distress? I walk away. That isn’t good though so I really need to make that a New Years resolution of mine and learn how to talk better.

    I mean look at me, a 30 year old male who lives with his parents with dreams and aspirations struggling to communicate simple thoughts and feelings. Assuming becomes a terrible feature as well since I just build up this weird conclusions in my head.

    The world is a huge playground waiting for me to learn more from what it has to offer. Yet all I want to do is play DDR. Besides that, I think moving forward I’m going to work on being a better person and not letting myself drown in the infinite thoughts that run wild through my head. A few years ago I used to meditate and man was that a life changing experience. Guess I’ll add that to the list of New Year’s resolutions since I’m a self proclaimed buddhist.

    As the songs goes “You gotta get up, get out and get something.”

    ~ keep it all smiles

  • Remember the time.

    What makes you feel nostalgic?

    A long time ago back in 2009 I was on a Michael Jackson binge. Every day I was listening to a new Michael Jackson album. I went back and forth from Dangerous to Bad then all the way back to Thriller. It was a special time in my life too being in highschool and all.

    During the summer of 2009 Michael passed away and it was the wildest thing in the world at that time. It felt like something was ripped away from me. How I heard about his death was even more insane because it was inside of a computer store out on the Hurstbourne (Louisville, KY). “Oh man Michael Jackson just died” yelled out the geek from the back of the store. My father’s response was “What? Really?” I couldn’t believe it myself but I was also a young kid at the time and at first it didn’t phase me until the news spread like wildfire. Mind you, this was 2009 and touch screen smartphones only had been out for 2 years or so. News spread pretty quick as it was everywhere from iPhone 3Gs, Blackberries, CNN, and of course the front page of Yahoo.

    This was a pivotal moment in my life because prior to all of this I spent so much time in my room in the same exact spot that I am writing this blogpost, just listening to Michael. I had a portable CD player that I got for Christmas one year and I was just jamming to his music on there. I was mainly listening and reading the CD pamphlet so I can memorize the lyrics and sing the songs later to myself. This was a little before I got my first MP3 player which I think was Christmas of that same year.

    I still remember the day after his death, I would walk outside and the ENTIRE neighborhood was listening to Michael Jackson. You couldn’t go anywhere without hearing one of his songs. From television to radio, Michael Jackson was on air 24/7. I still have his US Today edition Newspaper in my possession .

    One particular song that stands out to me is Remember The Time. Back when Cj used to live next door a friend or relative of his stopped by and they had that song turned up to the max thumping the side panels of the Escalade they were riding in. When I hear that song today it brings me back to those days when I was a high schooler on summer vacation browsing trying to find a wifi connection of my Nintendo DS.

    This random memory of mine brings a certain nostalgia that I love to resonate in from time to time. I can cut on any Michael Jackson song right now and it’ll bring me back to that summer of joy and tragedy. Not only can Michael Jacksons music do that but so can many other artist that I listened to from 2008 to 2012. Artist such as T.I., lil Wayne, Rick Ross, Jeezy, Danny Brown, B.o.B, and The Isley Brothers. Music is the soundtrack to my life and can always create nostalgic moments that remind me that I’m human. As a I get older the nostalgic feelings I get occur more often as I yearn for when times were much simpler. I guess life is getting harder huh?

    ~ keep it all smiles

  • Last day of the year

    Hi internet, it’s been a while.

    There used to be a time where I used to come here a lot to air out any grievances I had going on in life. But these days that new outlet is music. Whenever I’m feeling down I’ll pull out my Google Keep notepad and just write away my thoughts and feelings into rhymes and melodies. A lot of the times it never comes out the way I want it but its a nice way to just clear my mind when I’m not feeling it.

    Here lately things in my head haven’t been right and I’m not too sure why. I don’t think I’m depressed or anything but I’ve just been confused. I’m confused on the new relationships I’ve built with people in my life and what they truly mean. There’s one person in particular that I just can’t seem to shake and I don’t know why. I guess mentioning that makes what I said earlier I lie but its truly not. I just wanted another place to go to other than the norm and really let my mind free because as of late I’ve been restricting myself behind the mental bars of insanity and dreaming false narratives.

    Life is just weird ya know and they way we spend it at humans can be either fruitful or disgusting. As for me, it’s just a vibe that I try to ride like my skateboard doing kickflips on rough pavement. There’s nothing more enjoyable than landing a trick but when you do it on shitty pavement it means a little more. But to go back to the matter at hand, I’m trying to overcome the confusion in my brain because I know that I am human and these things come about as new challenges like in a video game. I either accept it and see what the rewards are or I can just leave it be and try to move on.

    I really don’t like challenges and do my best to stay from them but when my brain is on a constant marathon of images of what I’m not to sure of I began to ponder the many possibilities which just turn into a cluster fuck of bullshit. Whenever I get frustrated I simply get sad and that overwhelming feeling of loneliness starts to creep in and I just shut myself off. I usually end up on social media writing weird cryptic messages hoping that the person or people that they are intended for read it and reach out. Sometimes it works and then sometimes it doesn’t. When it does work and they do reach out I end up lying and covering up how I truly feel and hide my emotions from them.

    It gets to a point where I feel like I’m crying wolf but in all honesty I do want help or maybe someone to talk to? The point I’m trying to make is that I’ve reached this place in life where I realize that I haven’t done enough and that if I want to get any closer to what I want I have to grab it with my bare hands. All in all I know that a new 365 days is coming up soon and it’s time to realize what I want in life and take action.

    happy new year.

    ~ keep it all smiles

  • I started Vlogging

    Hi internet. It’s been a while… at least over here.

    Recently I’ve been doing a lot of other stuff than talking about my life on the internet. One of those such things has been vlogging. I’ve always wanted to vlog but just could never find the time or even purchase equipment to do so.

    Equipment was an excuse tho because I have a Google Pixel and the camera is baller. So on one random week a few weeks back I decided to start vlogging with my phone. I recently upgraded to a GoPro Hero 10 black and edit on iMovie. I’m doing this as a way build a larger audience so I can introduce more people to my music. But most importantly, I think cataloging life through video is cool.

    In recent years I’ve been watching a lot of different blogs on the internet. From Luckys Wheelz and Deals, CJon32s, RelltoReal, e-ought, Kota The Yoda, and many more. I’ve spent countless hours watching the lives of these people who share their daily adventures through a camera lens. I got so inspired that I said fuck it I’m gonna do this and now here I am.

    With 7 videos on the internet I’m pretty satisfied with what I’ve accomplished. I can’t remember how many subs I had before but now I’m currently sitting at 91 subscribers. VidIQ is helping me learn and stay organized so I can properly grow my channel. The journey has only just begun but its been fun so far. I’ll leave a video here for y’all to check out. I just wanted to stop by and let anyone who used to read this site know that I haven’t left.

    Also if you’re wondering what my blogs are about its literally just my daily life, from work, skateboarding, music, DDR, and just hanging out with my friends. So there ya go, enjoy!

    ~ keep it all smiles

  • Allergies Suck Ass

    Its April 25th and today I woke up with only sneezing one time. Within the past month I have been sneezing non-stop when I wake up from my daily slumber. I asked my doctor a few weeks ago if I could get a refill on my allergy medicine and I got no response. To tell you the truth though, I have never been diagnosed with allergies nor do I even know what I am allergic to. Is having allergies something you get diagnosed with anyways? These are the question I ask myself as the age of 30 looms over me like a rain cloud waiting to burst.

    I live in the Ohio Valley so that’s one red flag. Like I said I’m not sure what I’m allergic to but I am assuming its pollen. But here’s the kicker, from a quick Google search I have discovered that my allergic reaction can be from one of 3 types of different pollen! Do I sound illiterate now? The lack of research I have done for myself is belittling. Oh let me not forget that I’m pretty sure I’m allergic to cats and dust. Dust is a given, I have always sneezed from that but the cat allergies were new. I can remember it like it was yesterday, I was hanging out with my Buddy Eric as his house smoking some pot and his roommates cat came downstairs to greet us. “Hey Pepe,” Eric says as he reaches down to pet him. As soon has he ruffles his fur right beneath me I instantly started sneezing. I looked at Eric and said “I think I may be allergic,” which caused Eric to dramatically say “SHOO!” to the cat, lol.

    All in all, I’ve been sneezing a lot here lately and my nose runs constantly. I’ve found some 24hr allergy medicine that is similar to what my Doctor gave me a year ago and I think that is helping. I just started taking it so we’ll get some real results here in a few days. Other than that I think I’m going to jot some ideas for my next blog post which will be about manga that I have been reading. I’ve been wanting to talk about manga for a while on my blog and I think right now would be the perfect time. Until then…

    ~keep it all smiles.

  • Hello 2023 & Manga

    I used to write on this site all the time but it seems here lately that I have forgotten that I even own a blog. These days I’m caught up in instagram, tiktoks, and whatever I find on YouTube to help me go to sleep. I think its time that I update everyone on what I have been up too which hasn’t been much.

    Firstly I would like to discuss my recent addiction to manga. Now I have been an on and off reader of manga for a few years now. Back in Highschool (11 years ago) is when I first started looking into manga. I found this one book (which I can’t remember the name of) and read it in one day during English class. I think this was my sophomore year. It went by so quick that I wanted to buy the next book but I had no money. Fast forward to 2018 and had ShoenJump on my phone and MangaRock. I found this laid back manga called “Flat” which I thoroughly enjoyed but never got to finish because MangaRock got shut down. I also started to read “Fire Force” at the time as well. Sometime went by after that brief period and I hadn’t even opened up a manga or even tried to read one. When the pandemic hit I became a huge fan of Anime. I had already been watching Anime on and off but the Pandemic gave me all the time in the world to binge new genres that I never even thought about getting into. This is when I discovered I liked Slice of Life. For a full year all I did was watch Manga but in 2022 I kinda slowed down. I had just finished up the 3rds season to Fruits Basket and started up a new Anime which was Life Lessons with Urimichi Oniisan. It took awhile for me to finish that Anime as my life was started to pick back up and I had activities outside to do like skateboarding.

    Once I started to suffer from Anxiety/Panic attacks I found myself house ridden and not wanting to leave anymore finding solace in my bedroom. Staying at home and being alone did not help with my anxiety because I would always feel on edge as if another attack was going to spur at any moment. To null that feeling I remember trying to read some manga on the ShoenJump app on my phone. I always hated trying to read on my phone because of the screen size so I picked up a Kindle Fire I gifted my mom a few years ago and sideloaded the ShoenJump app on there. Scrolling through I decided to read “Spy X Family” which kept popping up as an AD. This was waaay before the Anime came out and they were only 50 chapters in. While reading that manga I also started “Sakamoto Days” which I binged for a while. In the midst of all of this I also got really into Manhua and Webtoons.

    Now here we are in 2023 and I am reading many different books. I also got into buying hard copies because I love reading the afterwards. Some of my favorites that I bought are Sweat & Soap, Living Room Matsunaga San, Crazy Food Truck, Persona 5, A Galaxy Next Door, and a bunch others.

    MY FAVORITE MANGA RIGHT NOW THOUGH IS DANDADAN. I HAVE THE FIRST BOOK AND PLAN TO BUY THE SECOND BUT I’M ALREADY CAUGHT UP ON THE STORY BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN READING IT EVERY MONDAY ON MANGA PLUS APP. IT’S A REALLY GREAT MANGA AND YOU SHOULD READ IT TOO.

    Well… that concludes my blog post.

    ~ keep it all smiles

  • So Much Wisdom

    So the time has come for the removal of my wisdom teeth. I first want to say that I will not miss all four of them boogers because they made Summer 2022 miserable. Here’s the story.

    It all started back in April. One night after work my wisdom teeth were causing my unbearable pain. The pain was SO unbearable that it was triggering my anxiety and almost led to a panic attack. From then on my symptoms would get worse, my teeth would hurt or I would feel light headed. I made an appointment to get these damn things removed but my dumbass had no clue of how to get a dentist or even how the whole insurance thing worked. So unfortunately my first attempt failed because I had to first find a Dentist. (You can’t just show up to the dentist)

    Eventually I found a dentist and they are located on Frankfort Ave. Dr Kirk is real cool and the staff are mighty friendly. Anyways they did some X-Rays of my teeth and showed me what I’m dealing with. The top two teeth have cavities and are on the verge of rotting out. The bottom two are fully grown in but are so close to the nerve that I have been warned that if removed, I may lose feeling in my lower Jaw. I was given a referral to a place nearby my dentist office and went to set up an appoint for consultation. Now trying to get that appointment set up is a whole nother story so if you wanna hear about that just hmu on twitter (@JamilBryant).

    I had my consultation and the Doctor feels all up on my wisdom teeth with a strong index finger and then looks at me and says “I wish we had a time machine to bring you back to age 16.” He goes on to explain that the top two wisdom teeth will be fairly easy to remove but the bottom two will be difficult due to how close they are to the nerve and all. He pretty much told me the same shit my dentist said about the whole losing feeling in my lower jaw. After that he asked me what I wanted to do and… yeah the rest of the conversation is kind of a blur.

    All I know is that this Thursday on the 21st I’m supposed to go in at 10am and get ALL FOUR TEETH removed from my mouth. I’m so happy because for the past week I’ve been on this antibiotic because one of my wisdom teeth broke and it got infected. Talk about PAIN.

    Well anyways, If I’m feeling well enough after the surgery I’ll tell y’all all about it. Until then…

    ~keep it all smiles

  • I’ma keep on truckin’

    Today I found out one of my employees is going to have a baby. He’s an older fellow but I’m happy for him. I wish the best for his family and that UPS supplies the best insurance and money because you know we’re all kind of experiencing the struggle these days.

    It was a rather easy night but this week has been kinda rough since my anxiety disorder has decided to creep up on me. I’ve been tired for the last few days and have experienced small but sometimes startling panic attacks. I’ve been good for the past two months without having to take my medicine but I guess life is finally taking ahold of me again. What I don’t understand is why didn’t I go through any of this last month? If you are a follower of my blog you would know that I am a De-Ice coordinator at UPS. I haven’t really blogged about it in a while or maybe I haven’t mentioned it but to make a long story short, my job can get really stressful.

    I basically control chaos.

    I had this same conversation with one of my good friends who suffers from anxiety and he told me that the symptoms typically settle when you’re calm and relaxing, which is a tad bit infuriating. It’s usually when my mind is calm and at ease that my anxiety is triggered and I begin to panic and feel the impeding sense of doom. That has been the last few days for me, I’ve been tired, feeling dizzy at times, sometimes faint, or tense. Anxiety is shitty if you ask me but I just gotta keep on truckin’. I’ve been prescribed medication but it isn’t daily because my wonderful Doctor gave me the choice of naturally dealing with it. She suggested meditation which I highly advocate but just haven’t committed myself to the practice.

    I’ve opted to listen to anxiety relief music which helps at times and I enjoy the tunes very much through headphones.

    But that is all for now. I’ll be back soon to talk more.

    ~ keep it all smiles

  • Twenty 20 Two

    It’s been a while.

    A long while I might add, but hey sometimes you just have to step away and come back when you’re ready.

    I’ve been coasting through live while contemplating how to overcome my newly discovered anxiety. Panic attacks are not fun and I certainly don’t want to feel on edge every day. I don’t think I never shared that here but I spent 12 hours in the ER all for them to tell me that they don’t know what’s wrong. Then what burns me up about it is that they send me a bill for $1,200 as if the Doctor really did something for me that night.

    You would think after having this experience I would be focused on trying to discover way to create a better health care system or causing an uproar online about how shitty out healthcare system is. Well I didn’t think about all of that now and well… It’s too late now lol.

    I’ve got more ideas and a lot of jumbled up thoughts so here’s to a new year and frequent blog post on the place I call home on the internet. I mean shit, I’m paying yearly for this domain name so I better get on here and write some shit.

    ~ keep it all smiles

    Ps. I still be talking shit.

  • A lot has happened

    After months of not logging on to wordpress I finally got on here and was greeted by a wordpress courses ad. I thought about enrolling but then I was like “Who’s to say what I can write on here and how I go about it?” I’m pretty sure there’s some useful info I can learn but virtual meetups make me uneasy. It’s the same reason why I kinda flunked out of code louisville. I coulda been a programmer somewhere by now had I stuck with it.

    Everything is everything and shit happens for a reason. The past 5 months have been somewhat of a doozy. Back in September I had a panic attack and life hasn’t been the same since. I done got promoted at work and became a supervisor, I’m surrounded by white bitches, and I’m at a weird standstill with music. I haven’t been hitting the garage lately and I’m not sure if its because of my association with weed and music or if I’ve lost motivation. Whatever the case may be my daily habits of inhaling smoke are gone. I’ve also made a lot of beats.

    In this midst of the madness I’ve also caught coronavirus and have been playing a lot of Skater XL. I’ve been doing a lot more skating recently but with these cold temperatures I haven’t really made the effort of going outside. It’s just too damn cold and it’s upsetting to even say that because I’m the first motherfucker out of my friends to embrace the cold with pure happiness. I guess I’m getting old. I am 27 now.

    Well, that’s enough for now. I’ll be back next time prepared to write better.

    ~ keep it all smiles