I’m surrounded by strangers whose thoughts concern me only when in doubt. I’ve at some point consumed the drama that brews within this untamed group of individuals and it caused me to lose hope in people.
How are we to be together when all we do is argue and belittle one another? The exchange of words behind another person’s back is just as crippling as a shotgun shell to the face. Why do we do this? Where is the war and what is there to be won?
~keep it all smiles~
I never really have a plan of attack. My gun shoots aimlessly until I strike something. Usually that never happens though and I end up sitting on the curb with a cigarette in one hand and a bottle of fiji in the other.
To be more clear, when it comes to life my agenda has no plans. Ideas live inside of my head but the outcomes are always faulty which results in me trying to rewire circuitry that I didn’t intend on creating. This slow trot to a better life has been gruelling. Have you ever had to consider two or more options but get stuck on one of them that doesn’t give you any purpose? Does life know that?
Considering the fact that at this point I might sound crazy, I deem the world around me as the biggest distraction and try whole heartedly to beg for my own forgiveness for the sins I indulge in. Can you see the plot thicken? The walls closing in with no doors to escape? Thats how it works in my mind. From the times I sit there and try to plan ahead I’m pushed aside by fears and social anxieties. The smell of her hair, the scuff on his shoe, the coffee that was spilled. I’m constantly being filled with the awful of idea of life but then I realize that this game is more than me. It’s more than us and the person behind the computer. It’s more then the generator that pushes the train forward.
But what could this be? What could this blockage amounting to thousands upon THOUSANDS of foiled plans really be?
My answer is just as good as yours. We are both lost and that is why when I stare at my agenda I don’t know what I’m looking at. I see nothing but the void of life and candle wax dripping on the side of a pornstars tit.
~ keep it all smiles ~
There is a side of me that my friends do not know about and it’s this blog I have here. I’ve mentioned it a few times before to a couple of buddies but I saw the disinterest.
I like to spend time writing about whatever, it makes me feel good. I can just swiftly dance away in a field of words then step back into the rigid quick rhymes I compose so frequently. The times I feel alone is where I feel at my best because that’s where my mind spills it’s energy into the abyss.
The world is the abyss. The place where shit just so happens to be stumbling around. I never try to cater to what’s around but it’s always like “fuck it,” as I straddle around. I’m just trying to conform in an unconventional way so I can achieve a purpose unsatisfied by my anger. I like to call it lost hate. There’s no template for it, it just is what it is.
So to summarize it all up, as I continue to write I wonder if this is for me or the lonely reader on the internet gazing upon millions of articles. I have nothing special here for you other than my regards and reasons for why I act the way I do. That shits always thrown at ya in a weird way so try not to look for it. I can’t find it either.
~keep it all smiles~
I DON’T WANT TO WRITE ABOUT YOU ANYMORE. YOU HAVE BECOME MY MUSE AND THE TOXICITY IS KILLING ME. IT WOULD’VE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER IF THINGS NEVER WENT THIS ROUTE AND IF I NEVER MADE LOVE SONGS ABOUT YOU. I SCARED PEOPLE NOT TO LONG AGO BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO KILL MYSELF BUT WHY WOULD I DO THAT WHEN YOU’RE GOING TO GO ON WITH YOUR HAPPY LIFE. SUICIDE IS STUPID AND LOVE IS STUPID. I’VE GROWN SO BITTER THAT I HATE IT AND ALL I WANT IS HAPPINESS. I DON’T EVEN LIKE SMOKING CIGARETTES BUT EACH DAY I SMOKE ONE MORE THAN THE DAY PRIOR.
Even though you broke my heart, I still haven’t gone to starbucks.
my dad is literally a fake buddhist.
He gon’ pee on my new car seats.