Even though you broke my heart, I still haven’t gone to starbucks.
my dad is literally a fake buddhist.
He gon’ pee on my new car seats.
I’ve literally wasted hours thinking about you.
Thinking of how to approach you in a way that doesnt make me feel weird.
I want to talk to you, listen to your voice as it soothes my soul.
I want to learn about what makes you tick and how you move about your day.
I want to know what inspires you to live a fulfulled life full of hard work and fun summers.
How do I do that? How do I escape this train of thought that has crashed several times into a brick wall?
Today I planned on simply doing homework and mainly focusing on my TreeHouse track. That didn’t happen. I’ve spent most of the day moping and gathering useless thoughts. i don’t wanna do this anymore. I don’t know what love is or this feeling I have but I don’t want to have it anymore. It pains me to even it say it but I’m tired of putting myself through this. I’m tired of staring at your beauty afraid of watching you share it with someone else. I’m tired of writing new music that centers around my desires of knowing you but my fear of losing a stranger.
I’ve always wondered what it is that makes a woman attractive. Like what are those features that I adore about you so much? Its indescribable. I feel comfortable and afraid, scared to even say your name.
I just wish I wasn’t so shy and built up all these fantasy stories in my head of how I see the future. I read a book a not to long ago that actually described what I’m going through.
“You get anxious about confronting somebody in your life. That anxiety cripples you and you start wondering why you’re so anxious. Now you’re becoming anxious about being anxious. Oh no! Doubly anxious! Now you’re anxious about your anxiety, which is causing more anxiety. Quick, where’s the whiskey?I just wish I wasn’t so shy and built up all these fantasy stories in my head of how I see the future. I read a book a not to long ago that actually described what I’m going through. – Mark Manson”
The feedback loop hole from hell is a cycle I hate, I fell for the bait so I might as well get ate.
i just wanna know why this happened.
~ … keep it all smiles
I’m trying to think of ways to get my mind back on track. Theres nothing wrong with me other than … never mind. Look, I’m here because I’m struggling. I’m just trying to live ya know? Isn’t this what we all want? A life? A future?
I find it quite hard to be intent and in the moment. Meditation used to work for me a long time ago but that slowly faded away. I’m not sure why but theres this feeling I can’t shake and I just don’t understand it. I don’t understand the fear and where it comes from. Why must everything come down to the decisions I make and why do I constantly stress over the small factors?
Peace isn’t just a dream but a reality. I achieved it once. Lasted for just a millisecond but the fact of the matter is, I did it. The feeling was wonderful, I can remember it vaguely but deep down I want to be right there again. Right now I’m just fixated on someone and it’s like, why? Why can’t I just have those moments where their not at the forefront of my mind.
this wasn’t proof read, i don’t care
~ keep it all smiles
My nerves are unsettling leaving my brain in an altered state of crying.
This serves as my choices that have brought me here.
in 24 hours i have to tell you or i wont stop doing weird shit like this.
~ keep it all smiles
Shes all I think about and is all I want… but I don’t know why.
Why am I so attracted to her?
Why do I fall into a hypnotized state everytime I’m around her, almost speechless because I don’t wanna say something toO silly. Why do I even have these feelings and spend days talking about it to myself.
somedays I try to make myself cry because I just want that emotional relief but i just can’t. I’m constantly wrapping my head around multiple different realities, always lost in another world.
Like fuck, I wrote a whole song about this chick? DO YOU HEAR ME GUYS! I WROTE A WHOLE ENTIRE SONG ABOUT A WOMAN AND SHE DOESN’T HAVE THE SLIGHTEST CLUE THAT ITS ABOUT HER. SHE HEARD IT!!!
i feel dumb sometimes because i make things way harder than life is supposed to be.
~ keep it all smiles