Closing My Eyes To Pee

I never really have a plan of attack. My gun shoots aimlessly until I strike something. Usually that never happens though and I end up sitting on the curb with a cigarette in one hand and a bottle of fiji in the other.

To be more clear, when it comes to life my agenda has no plans. Ideas live inside of my head but the outcomes are always faulty which results in me trying to rewire circuitry that I didn’t intend on creating. This slow trot to a better life has been gruelling. Have you ever had to consider two or more options but get stuck on one of them that doesn’t give you any purpose? Does life know that?

Considering the fact that at this point I might sound crazy, I deem the world around me as the biggest distraction and try whole heartedly to beg for my own forgiveness for the sins I indulge in. Can you see the plot thicken? The walls closing in with no doors to escape? Thats how it works in my mind. From the times I sit there and try to plan ahead I’m pushed aside by fears and social anxieties. The smell of her hair, the scuff on his shoe, the coffee that was spilled. I’m constantly being filled with the awful of idea of life but then I realize that this game is more than me. It’s more than us and the person behind the computer. It’s more then the generator that pushes the train forward.

But what could this be? What could this blockage amounting to thousands upon THOUSANDS of foiled plans really be?

My answer is just as good as yours. We are both lost and that is why when I stare at my agenda I don’t know what I’m looking at. I see nothing but the void of life and candle wax dripping on the side of a pornstars tit.

~ keep it all smiles ~

fuck everything

Fuck everything
Fuck all that I have brought to myself
Fuck everything
Fuck all of the problems I create to detest myself
Fuck everything
Fuck the purpose of this note that I’m making
Fuck everything
Fuck the the science behind this madness I’m the saddest
Fuck everything
Fuck the people who deem me as a push over
Fuck everything
Fuck my silence because it’s what’s kept me quiet when the lady is over
Fuck everything
Fuck the faces that I see that care not to look at me
Fuck everything
I’ve dreamt of death but scared to face it but ask for ends when the begining is basic
Fuck everything
Fuck the fact that I can’t do right when in plain sight
Fuck everything
Fuck the fact that I cant speak my mind and start a conversion with a beautiful woman in mind
Fuck everything
Fuck these emotions although it’s guidence pleading to riot
Fucking everything
Fuck my life I said it right but no I shall stay strong and win the fight

FUCK EVERYTHING

Can I Say Hello Jane?

Its funny, don’t even know you but I think about you
You’re on my mind, all the time I’ve even dreamed about you
Could be desire or my lust but it don’t make a difference
Thought about an old lady but your beauty is my witness
Can’t even figure it out, what am I doing dawg!
All I do is look and pretend the room is full of smog
So I don’t think you’re looking, or even try to catch a glimpse
Everything inside my head is fantasy, never real as shit
I gotta stop stalling but I say its too late
I sometimes catch a glance but get scared and just over think
I need to stop acting like a kid and just spit it out
But life ain’t what it seems and the walls begin to pile around…

Touche

Never in my life have I ever won

3rd Place don’t count so its said and done

I’m over looked and my actions will never shine

I do my best but even close friends say it wasn’t a try

To myself I’m such a failure and damn I’ll never make it

I try to explain what I’m tryna do but y’all just over think it

I got ideas and found a homie who said he’ll stick to it

Now to add more people along is whats left to it

Lets take this over to another place

I do a lot more but never rewarded is the case

I see them other folk talking loud and doing this and that

How we supposed to be on the same page when you always looking back?

Never knew it was okay to be a hypocrite, people do it all the time why not just go and add to it

Can’t talk to so and so and never go to lil buddies house

Assumptions made but never knew that would lead to a turn about

So don’t be fooled you jealous dudes know how to play the fool

Keep in mind that I’m the coldest cat, Saber tooth

Step in the booth with the blaze cus this is hot fire

A wicked mind with sick thoughts this is live wire

I’m never winning, put my gun down every day

A small victory at stake, touche

Dead

There is no point to this, I write and write to get no play

I put my heart in situations, that’s why I wrote Astray

I’m living in a life full of misery and pain

I never sound nice nor do I even count the strain

The strain of vigilance among the two who have restraints and hits

The love of colorless will paint pictures on black and white canvas

The tyranny that’s caused all of this war, shall pour upon its people

Drown them in the sore, deep in pores where death dwells in kilos

The superstition of regulars on the dark path

Individuals divided by numbers but have no hint of math

Take a glance, portray them as your evil leader

If I had a chance, I’d die cus rolling dice is just a feature

Will we prevail if god shows us more suns and earths?

Will we all die if we prove we we’re made of dirt?

With such mystery we wonder why we’re still living

Too bad we all die tomorrow and nothing is forgiven.