Here I am at 5 in the morning listening to Panic! At the Disco in my mothers car pondering life in the driveway. It hasn’t been like this in a while. I usually will sit here for 20 minutes questioning my existence, only to grab my bag and slowly make my way through the back door.
I’m not sure why this happens. It didn’t start until I began my journey as a night shift employee. A layer of depression lies on my chest and I drift off with the dark clouds that the sadness brings. Surrounding myself with the joys of life somewhat works, but at the end of the day I sit in my room with a blank mind me wonder.
I think about a lot of things. I think about the present, past, then the future. A friendly reminder from Buddha occasionally pops up in my head which is to not focus on the last or future but I can’t shake it. There’s some answer I’m looking for, some light I’m trying to seek. This enlightenment that I have no clue about is dangling there in front of me. The midst of hate and cruelty in the world blind me from choices I pick and choose from.
I’m never sure about what I’m really thinking but it’s dreadful. I sometimes don’t want to go home. I guess that’s why I stay as long as I can at a friends house or while I’m out drinking tea or skateboarding. It scares me.
I hate the feeling of sitting alone and self inflicting pain upon myself.
I grabbed my TV dinner out of the microwave. Another successful night in the books and now it is time to enjoy the freedoms that life has to offer, but only for a second. At least thats what the time between work and school feels like. Its always been like this; for some years now. I don’t feel nothing new, its all just the same. Life seems to come and go around the same circle its been on and I haven’t really changed it.
Sure I’ve done some cool things but I feel like there is more out here for me to achieve but I’m being held back. Trying to figure out whats holding me back is the question. I can’t say its really a constant battle of trying to find myself but I don’t know.
This TV dinner isn’t all that I expected, its pretty nasty.
Anyways, minus the fact that I use the word Anyways for multiple paragraphs though out my blog, I think I understand.
When the world Family pops in your head, what do you automatically think of?
Your really close friends? Family at home?
At this point in my life I have begun to think that the word Family can mean anything. Now I don’t mean that you can walk up the street and just claim that random hobo your family member, but in essence, you can apply it just like that.
What got me thinking about this matter was while I was leaving work Monday morning after deicing planes all night. We hopped into the van and was on our way to the guard shack. As we rode along, dodging departing flights, I tuned in closely to the conversations going on in the back seats. What I heard was heart warming yet unnormal all at the same time.
What I witnessed was the dividing line that separates an individuals outside life from work life, fall apart into a bunch of rubble. I was amazed by the closeness that these deice employees had with one another. They literally talked as if they were kids together on the block playing hide and go seek. I felt a little uneasy hearing their words since I kind of knew a few of them and their lives outside of work. Some of them have been through heartache while others just live and everyday life. The happiness in their voices carried a high tune as they spoke on relationships, news, jokes, and anything else that they shared.
The entire time I couldn’t get over the fact that this was going on. My mind even drifted off, thinking about the other small little groups of people that considered one another family. I even caught a glimpse of the photo of Debbie (Head of the Deice Coordinators) along with the other deice coordinators. I even had stories fill my head from past conversation that I meddled in from family affairs to shit talk. The numerous thoughts that went through my head were a bit overwhelming but they filled me with joy that this was out here.
I was raised t0 believe (mainly from my cousin) that family are the people who are in your family tree. As I grew older and began to make close friends myself, I quickly discovered that blood doesn’t make up family. Just because you’re “cousin” is considered a family member doesn’t mean you have to claim them, especially if they are a jerk and treat you like a turd.
I’m glad to have had this experience.
I’m glad I became a deicer at UPS.
I am glad that I know what family is… a group of individuals that cares for your existence and will go out of their way to do anything that will help you grow.
Aaron “Jaws” Homoki is well known in the skateboarding world for throwing himself down the largest obstacles. Now Jaws has done something nobody thought was possible…well at least not impossible for him. If you watched the Sorry, the first Flip video, Ali Boulala tried to ollie this 25 set at the end of his part. According to Boulala he didn’t get enough speed so it never happened. Here we are 13 years or so later and Jaws is doing a melon grab down this damn thing. He’s even on the cover of thrasher!
I always had a repulsive need to be something more than human.
– David Bowie
ps. Sorry I’ve been slacking on the daily quotes. Still getting in the swing of getting this quotes out. I thought I would share a David Bowie quote in respects to him.
So you know how facebook has that little trending bar at the side of their page when you’re logged in? Well one morning after work while I was scrolling around on facebook, John Boyega was trending. All I really noticed was the word “Stock Images.” I clicked on the link and was brought to a page that displayed 4 group photos, all of which included Boyega.
Its pretty funny due to the fact that he is in Star Wars as a lead role, yet you turn around and see him in college universities plastered on the wall with a bunch of other smiling faces.
Just take a look at them yourself.
Here he is at someones college Is he having fun or what?! He looks like he’s having fun, lolI’d post more but I’m sure you can hit google yourself and see the others.
I don’t do this often but… the lights are bright and I am currently on another level!!! I got the bright lights with the glorious looking keys and black bands that prove existence!
Can’t you see? We got more perception than you think. Theres more that needs to be met with eyes and we can actually find this. We have the power and knowledge that excel us in a way that will create brilliance! For some people this may seem like a very confusing and enticing calling, but this needs to be rather taken on serious terms.
There isn’t that much left, the time is here and now. The now can never be re-created so there is only one shot that can destroy the evils that lie within! You cannot desecrate the needy and lend to the poor. Thats more of analogy that was never thought of. Probably in the midst of the cannibals hands, the ties between corn shells will never be made. You got to think, its all fun and games until someone gets hurt.
IM OUT!
ps. Yo I’m sorry that you had to read all of that rubbish. I do not take back anything I said so you can suck it! haha! Let them read this one and see if that face don’t change!
Hey guys, remember all that ranting and raving that I did the other day dissing my college? Well its all good now. I went up there today and met with an advisor who put me into another college algebra class. For a second I thought I wasn’t going to be able to go to school this semester but I really want to get a degree in Journalism so I gotta do what I gotta do!
My class is Tuesday’s and Thursday’s. I’m pretty sure I was supposed to go today but I don’t have a book or know what I am supposed to bring to class. I’ll just show up Thursday so my new teadcher can give me the low down.
exploding rock™ 