*sigh*

I totally need to calm down with these angry/sad post that I have been flooding my blog with these past years. I mean yeah, I’ve been going through some rough times mentally, but I don’t think I need to express my frustration in a way that makes it seem like I’m a cry baby.

I noticed a new feature on facebooks mobile app that allows you to view your profile the way a person who isn’t friends with you would. I totally forgot that my page is set to where people that are not my friends cannot see my facebook status’. What I didn’t remember was that all of my wordpress activity automatically uploads to my facebook and for all the public to see.

As I scrolled down I saw post after post of all the sad BS that I’ve posted over the recent months. I don’t think I’ve made any uplifting post in quite some time. I don’t even think I’ve made a post that asserted that life was going good. Thinking about it though, I have trained myself over the years to enter the blogosphere to rant and rave about whatever in the hell I’m going through. From my early post back in high school to now, I’ve wrote some of the gnarliest poetry to the most depressing heartbroken shit I could think of.

I really wanna blame facebook because the app is a totally legal drug with bad side effects. The side effects include jealousy, hate, love, depression, psychological torture, and a sprinkle of “WE CONTROL YOUR LIFE.”

I’m serious.

facebook has turned me into a monster.

MANY OF US ARE CREATIONS OF FACEBOOK.

MY DEPRESSION STEMS FROM FACEBOOK.

i really wanna delete facebook but how else am i gonna get a chicks number or stay in contact.

Oh, I’ll also be damned if I have to be one of those boyfriends who has to look at a Snap story or like every Instagram picture because really, I’m not on those sites often. I’ve cut back on facebook but I’ve been a member for quite some time. It’s never really going to go away. 

I am surprised I didn’t get hooked to twitter because back in the G I used to tweet my ass off. I kept up the tweeting habit until I realized that twitter is listerally based on a social status. If my following count is one sided I’m not gonna fuck with it. The purpose was to interact and share shit, now its like high school but on the internet and I am once again lame. 

Damn internet. 

Going back to my originally subject, I need to lighten up. I’m really just a laid back guy who doesn’t say much so for me to take action through words in a way I have been doing for years is kind of bothering me. Come to think of it, I had to rebrand myself as a rapper and talk more of what I know instead of trying to copy my favorite rapper Ab – Soul.

(Side note, I wanted to be hella lyrical and deep thinking like Soulo but that’s just a small portion of me.)

Maybe that’s what I need to do with this site. Rebrand myself and write about the shit I think about when I’m stoned or the natural beauty of life. I’m going to think about this.

VERY … VERY . . hard.

~ keep it all smiles

unauthorized

I have an issue.

I’ll go about it plain and simple with a whole lot of extra stuff because that’s how I be.

I want a girlfriend. I don’t know why, maybe it’s because I feel lonely, but whatever. I just do. Now having a significant other has been a thought that’s been in my mind ever since I was young. I want to blame it on how we look at humanity and and this whole relationship thing but I really don’t know. The fact of the matter is, I think it’s a humanly thing and right now at the age of 24 thats what has been on my mind. Right now in life I just want to focus on my creativity and let that flourish but I feel like the “wanting” of a “lover” in my world is hindering me.

I cannot fully say that the thought is destroying me because I just turn around and make another song, but when I hear my music it’s all the same bullshit just told differently over beats. I got this weird ass feeling of settlement and wanting to have the rock next to me holding me up. When I stop and look at how I am towards others, I begin to question if I am even ready. Like I’m totally the guy who believes that everything happens for a reason, so I never really tell myself something isn’t going to happen because at the end of the day we don’t know.

Right now I got a crush on a girl though. Haven’t even tried to display the confidence in wanting to get to know her because I’m a wimp. I build up my thoughts and always let the shit crash when there’s nothing else left to be added. That’s what I’ve done at this point. My hopes are very high but for no reason. I bitch out when I want to say anything and the conversation dies. I….. I’m just a fearful human who lets his emotions control how he interacts with other humans.

 

no point in giving up though.

 

i got hit by a car in september and i’m still alive.

 

 

there is something here on earth for me to accomplish.

 

 

 

i must achieve.

 

ps. heine bros

 

pps. .. i need to get a life because seriously, i just skate, rap, and make beats.

 

~ keep it all smiles