I have an issue.
I’ll go about it plain and simple with a whole lot of extra stuff because that’s how I be.
I want a girlfriend. I don’t know why, maybe it’s because I feel lonely, but whatever. I just do. Now having a significant other has been a thought that’s been in my mind ever since I was young. I want to blame it on how we look at humanity and and this whole relationship thing but I really don’t know. The fact of the matter is, I think it’s a humanly thing and right now at the age of 24 thats what has been on my mind. Right now in life I just want to focus on my creativity and let that flourish but I feel like the “wanting” of a “lover” in my world is hindering me.
I cannot fully say that the thought is destroying me because I just turn around and make another song, but when I hear my music it’s all the same bullshit just told differently over beats. I got this weird ass feeling of settlement and wanting to have the rock next to me holding me up. When I stop and look at how I am towards others, I begin to question if I am even ready. Like I’m totally the guy who believes that everything happens for a reason, so I never really tell myself something isn’t going to happen because at the end of the day we don’t know.
Right now I got a crush on a girl though. Haven’t even tried to display the confidence in wanting to get to know her because I’m a wimp. I build up my thoughts and always let the shit crash when there’s nothing else left to be added. That’s what I’ve done at this point. My hopes are very high but for no reason. I bitch out when I want to say anything and the conversation dies. I….. I’m just a fearful human who lets his emotions control how he interacts with other humans.
no point in giving up though.
i got hit by a car in september and i’m still alive.
there is something here on earth for me to accomplish.
i must achieve.
ps. heine bros
pps. .. i need to get a life because seriously, i just skate, rap, and make beats.
~ keep it all smiles
As I sit here in the middle of my room typing this, I feel the wholeness of this world surround me and engulf the pain and fear of life. Everyday is more of a challenge due to society’s stress upon my brain and my fathers persistent badgering of help with his company. I’m 20 years old with no aim in life. My only true passion is skateboarding and life has done all its can to slow down my progression.
In my current down time I’ve done nothing but mope around the house, stream social media sites and have taken little time towards my code academy account. I also got bad news from school. I failed a class. I owe those fuckers $432. Fucking jerk offs.
To add to my stress I’ve made it through my 3rd peek season at UPS. This year had to be the worse yet, with volume staggering over 2 million a night. Everything is taking a tole on me. My soul is tainted with happiness and anger, my positive mindset has been tarnished, my life goals have been put on hold.
I’ve started smoking black n milds to cope with the stress. Its a habit I picked up on my 20th birthday while floating in the clouds. I dearly regret it but fuck it, quicker way to leave earth right?
It makes me tear up just as little while I straddle my stuffed animal and sit in the middle of the floor. I just want to know why the world is so cold and why when I try I fail even more. I have higher hopes for the new hear but right now, I just want to sit here in the middle of my four corned room and sob a little over my failed attempt at life.
Maybe I’ll get it right next time…
So for the next couple days I will be sharing with you the trials and tribulations that I am going through in my miserable life right now.
Why do I say it is miserable?
Because for the last month I have had to deal with stress from my Family and a whole lotta other crap…
Instead of keeping this stuff all balled up inside until I explode with hatred, I’m gonna try and share my story on my lil ol’ blog. What am I expecting from this? Nothing…I don’t care who reads it. I just know that who ever I KNOW that reads it and they happen to be mentioned ….. will be pissed. But I don’t give a fuck anymore…fuck you.
So stay tuned folks and and come back tomorrow or something…I might have Pt. 1 posted.
-Wisdom Spoken By an Angry Black Man.