As I sit here in the middle of my room typing this, I feel the wholeness of this world surround me and engulf the pain and fear of life. Everyday is more of a challenge due to society’s stress upon my brain and my fathers persistent badgering of help with his company. I’m 20 years old with no aim in life. My only true passion is skateboarding and life has done all its can to slow down my progression.
In my current down time I’ve done nothing but mope around the house, stream social media sites and have taken little time towards my code academy account. I also got bad news from school. I failed a class. I owe those fuckers $432. Fucking jerk offs.
To add to my stress I’ve made it through my 3rd peek season at UPS. This year had to be the worse yet, with volume staggering over 2 million a night. Everything is taking a tole on me. My soul is tainted with happiness and anger, my positive mindset has been tarnished, my life goals have been put on hold.
I’ve started smoking black n milds to cope with the stress. Its a habit I picked up on my 20th birthday while floating in the clouds. I dearly regret it but fuck it, quicker way to leave earth right?
It makes me tear up just as little while I straddle my stuffed animal and sit in the middle of the floor. I just want to know why the world is so cold and why when I try I fail even more. I have higher hopes for the new hear but right now, I just want to sit here in the middle of my four corned room and sob a little over my failed attempt at life.
Maybe I’ll get it right next time…
So for the “people” who keep up with this on going blog, you should know that yes I graduated from High School back in May. I am now attending JCTC (Jefferson Community Technical College). The degree i chose is Graphic Design.
Its been a bitch trying to get into school, I’ve been procrastinating and putting things off…now that I got most of it out of the way the college life isn’t that bad. I’ve met some cool people and plus now that I am working nights at UPS (I meant to blog about that) its been pretty chill. I thought the “Real World” would be a complicated mess…and it has but it wasn’t like what I was expecting.
I mean its hard but I just push through each day like nothing is happening. I still skate, Still got a girlfriend and have been able to do what I want and how I like it. This is just the beginning, I still got a ways to go to really see what this is all about. For now, this is the start of my long and drawn out Story.
While I was looking though my facebook notes I saw that I had these string of notes that I called “The Statement” Theres like 6 of them bad boys. My mind was in a dark place at the time so all the vulgar language and psychopathic images that I insert in your head while you read them is a bit chilling…well not like that but its petty deep and expresses a lot of emotion and hate at this period of time in my life that I kept locked away in the shadows. I think I’m just gonna go and post them to this blog. I already have Pt 1 floating around here somewhere. Just go to the bottom of my site where the search bar is and type “The Statement Part 1” You should be able to find it then.
So on Tuesday the 17th was the first day of school in Jefferson county. We came back to the same thing thinking it was going to be a little different from last year. At least it felt the same to me. The first day went well, exploding monster cans and finally getting to talk to some of my friends that I haven’t seen all summer. The first week went by smooth and without any troubles for real. At least not any major troubles. Its only the beginning, lets see what Southern High has in store for us.