You know that feeling you get after you sit around and entire summer and you notice that just in few weeks from now you got school? It sucks. What makes this situation odd is that I am viewing this as if I am still in high school and its mandatory for me to go.
I’m CHOOSING to go! I honestly don’t have to put myself through this but I gotta keep my Amazon Student Prime Account, lol! No seriously, I’m sitting on my back porch right now pondering how my summer has been. This summer literally flew by! It’s saddening but I’ve realized it’s like this every summer.
Each summer that comes around quickly disappears into the sunset. Then winter comes with large amounts of snow and a warm coffee shop for me to sit my ass down in. This little rant doesn’t come back down to me not having a life, but the life that I live. I always do this, sit around at the end of summer vacation wondering what I’ve done these past two months. I hit the rewind button and press play and what I see never disappoints.
It’s been a good vacation, one that I can sit back and play some good tunes that will remind me of those adventurous days. I’m not sure when school starts, nor have I signed up for classes, but I’ll tell you this; FALL IS COMING!
Now it may be a little to early to scream that one out but I love fall and all of the enjoyment is brings. I’ll be 22 in November and my mixtape is still on the way. How about that? Lol
My room is a box. There’s no air vents so I have to use an electric heater to heat my room up during the winter months. I just cut it off so I can let the cold air take over my room.
Once again I am in the middle of my room sitting down with my tablet in one hand and a plate of Vienna sausages in the other. I’ve been stuck in the house all day doing nothing productive but sitting in my room browsing the internet, Trying to make friends. My dad came home earlier and yelled at me about not figuring out how to open some damn word file. He’s been doing this for a month now. I’ve grown tired of it, contemplating on moving out and dealing with room mates. But the free room and manuel labor with my dads business is what keeps me here.
My dad went on a rant earlier about how he doesn’t know who me and my sister are. Claiming we are just reincarnations of past people. I believe him. He had me Google a book that he heard on the radio thats about children who have memories of past lives. It got me really thinking about who I really am and who the person I was before this life. I know for sure that I am reincarnated. I’m hoping that once I find out who I used to be then I can finally get the answers to why I love to skateboard so much and why I’m the person I am today.
Other than me wondering who I really am, I paid half of my school debt. Apparently I owe those bitches 800 something. I only paid half and plan to call and make sure the other half isn’t a mistake. God I hate college.
As I sit here in the middle of my room typing this, I feel the wholeness of this world surround me and engulf the pain and fear of life. Everyday is more of a challenge due to society’s stress upon my brain and my fathers persistent badgering of help with his company. I’m 20 years old with no aim in life. My only true passion is skateboarding and life has done all its can to slow down my progression.
In my current down time I’ve done nothing but mope around the house, stream social media sites and have taken little time towards my code academy account. I also got bad news from school. I failed a class. I owe those fuckers $432. Fucking jerk offs.
To add to my stress I’ve made it through my 3rd peek season at UPS. This year had to be the worse yet, with volume staggering over 2 million a night. Everything is taking a tole on me. My soul is tainted with happiness and anger, my positive mindset has been tarnished, my life goals have been put on hold.
I’ve started smoking black n milds to cope with the stress. Its a habit I picked up on my 20th birthday while floating in the clouds. I dearly regret it but fuck it, quicker way to leave earth right?
It makes me tear up just as little while I straddle my stuffed animal and sit in the middle of the floor. I just want to know why the world is so cold and why when I try I fail even more. I have higher hopes for the new hear but right now, I just want to sit here in the middle of my four corned room and sob a little over my failed attempt at life.
Maybe I’ll get it right next time…
I know I know, I’ve been off and on here lately. So what? Its not like anyone reads my blog anyway.
So I know what you’re thinking, the title sounds great for a poem that has every line starting with “I Will” I’m sorry to tell you this but you are wrong. I’m going to take a little time out of my night to stop and explain what I will do for the rest of this year.
To make this sound professional I will start it off like this…
- I WILL complete all course assignments in my college classes.
A hard task that is but it is something that I will be doing. For the few of you that do not know, I failed my first semester of college. Everyone was disappointed in me. My girlfriend scolded me, my cousin cursed, I got all sorts of words thrown at me. The only thoughts that came to my head was, “Why didn’t I just drop my failing classes”, and “Why didn’t I try harder?”. I can go on and try to redeem myself and give a bullshit excuse but it won’t cut it. I didn’t apply myself like I should have and just didn’t make time for it. I really wish I would have listened to my family and my encouraging girlfriend to focus on school and get it done. So now I have to start clean with just a few credits under my belt and try my best to get these classes out of the way so I can make room for the next set.
- I WILL become a better person.
I’m not crazy or anything, I just want to become a better person to society. I feel like society needs someone who can step up in any weather and lead the way. My first goal in to becoming a better person is to do community service. My girlfriend has gone on and on about me not doing community service and how it will make a difference in my life and as well in others. So I’m going to do it, I just have to go online and search up some community service events that are going on in my city. I WILL APPLY MYSELF.
- I WILL start a small business.
I am sooo TIRED of selfish people at work! I’m not going to go into the full story online but I need to make money on the side so I can work less at UPS. People at work just piss me off. There is so much drama and all people care about is their money. So MY GOAL for the remaining of this year is to start a small window cleaning business. I have experience in it and my “Swirl” is on point! I just feel like I don’t need to depend on someone else to make money. My long term goal in life is to work for myself because being a slave to someone else’s company isn’t what I want to be. Even if its something I enjoy doing I still don’t want someone to have the power to fire me or demote me when they want to and how they want to. I already hate that feeling at UPS. Its ridiculous.
Well folks, that’s all I will do. I plan on skateboarding a whole lot and getting a video together!
ps. It was around this time of the year when I started my blog so HAPPY ANNIVERSARY EXPLODING ROCK!
Sorry folks, I’ve been gone for quite a while. Last time I made a post was about 2 months ago. Now look, its Revenge of the 5th. It was the same time last year I was getting to the point of wanting to date my girlfriend and my radio show days were slowly coming to an end.
The beginning of 2013 was rough. Arguments, my dads business, deadlines, and BS at work is taking its toll. I’m not even in school! The stress of trying to get back in school is worse than being in it. But as I tell myself self always, “its gon’ get better”. It has too, my fathers business is coming together and this tech website I want to get together is actually coming together. Only thing left is to motivate my Authors. Oh and not to mention my girlfriend and I’s anniversary is approaching, ITS GOING TO BE OUR 1 YEAR! The month of May is always an exciting one. The months following are always sketchy. Its either good or bad. Ya’ never know.
So this is my little update, I’ll hit y’all back up with another one.
Remember! Live life, don’t let life live you!
You need to make a major change in your life. Do you make it all at once, cold turkey style, or incrementally?
At this stage in my life I need to make a major change but procrastination has hit me hard and has not let me do anything. My lack of responsibility is hurting me and the only way I can get out of this comfort zone I’m in is to just go forward and do it. They way I’m taking on this this major change is in small increments. I should really just do it all at once and force myself to do it but the way my head is programmed right now I just can’t do it. Its really hard to get changed in my life, if someone close passed away I would be stricken and would be in a depression for quite sometime. If I work hard now and try to over come procrastination and my lack of change than things that come in life wouldn’t effect me in a terrible way.
Right now in the position that I am in, the major change that I need to do is get my school stuff figured out so I can go back to school. I failed 2 classes and I’m on financial hold until I can fix my fafsa and some other stuff. At first I was like oh crap, let me get this stuff out of the way, but now I’m just slacking and sitting on my ass doing nothing but blogging about life adventures. It sucks bad, i really need to get up and do something…
(I’m going to stop here because writing about major change that I need to do right now is not helping. I need to get up, get out and do something)
So for the “people” who keep up with this on going blog, you should know that yes I graduated from High School back in May. I am now attending JCTC (Jefferson Community Technical College). The degree i chose is Graphic Design.
Its been a bitch trying to get into school, I’ve been procrastinating and putting things off…now that I got most of it out of the way the college life isn’t that bad. I’ve met some cool people and plus now that I am working nights at UPS (I meant to blog about that) its been pretty chill. I thought the “Real World” would be a complicated mess…and it has but it wasn’t like what I was expecting.
I mean its hard but I just push through each day like nothing is happening. I still skate, Still got a girlfriend and have been able to do what I want and how I like it. This is just the beginning, I still got a ways to go to really see what this is all about. For now, this is the start of my long and drawn out Story.
Well its official, I am now a High school graduate of Southern High School. The class of 2012 is the 61’st class to graduate under our new principle Mr. Hibbert. Its been a long 4 years…but a long 12, 13 if ya’ throw in head start. It feels like I have been in school forever. Basically my whole life, but now…now I’m a free man about to do my thing in life.
I still remember the first day of school when my dad walked me in and showed me to the teachers. I started to cry when he walked away. I still remember the first day of middle school, my neighbor “Yari” and I walked in and approached our asshole of a math teacher asking if this is the right team. I also still remember the first day of high school, my homie Dakotah and I rolled up in Southern amazed by all of the other students trying to make our way through the crowded halls. It feels like this all happened yesterday but now look at me, all grown and out of school.
I’m still stunned that I even got to this point just for the simple fact that I cruised my whole senior year just sitting in class writing random crap and get good grades. I had a slight feeling I wasn’t gonna make it but I pulled through last minute and got my sh*t together. Now here I am with a diploma with my name on it and a cap and gown hanging up in my room. What a wonderful feeling that is.
Now that I am done with my free education, its time to move on up to my post secondary education and get my move on in life. I’m still going to skate, draw, and do all the other crap I enjoy doing in life and hope for the best.
To end this post I would like to quote a favorite hip-hop artist of mine.
“They say that life is what you make it, so what you been creating on yo’ free time” – Big K.R.I.T.
This ends my May Post…Check out what I got going on in the next few weeks. I’m gonna get a “Real World” series going. Holla!
PS. Shout out the Class of 2012!
So latley a lot has been going through my head that I seemed to have killed away and have thrown away in my virtual memory trash can. All yesterday I was trippen so bad, later on when I got to the crib and did a little snoopin everything dropped and like I said, it just fatally died. It wasnt really nothing, I just made it seem like a big deal in my head and from a few influences around me, I had this little vision going on that kept replaying over and over agin in my head until I couldn’t take it anymore. What did I do you may ask? Nothing of course becasue once it came to that point I pushed it out of sight and thought about what really mattered and why I am in the predicament I am in today.
People call me a lot of stuff but as Mr. Gary always said to the crazy white girl on the bus “I got thick skin, nothing really gets through to me”. I never really care about what the other low down, got no life, broke as a joke, still living with mama idiots got to say because I keep on reasurring my self that I will be better then them and do bigger and better things then work at Rally’s for the rest of my life in the drive thru lane. They do make me mad at times to the point of me thinking about bashing their hallow heads into a brick wall until it breaks. I haven’t gotten to that point yet so don’t push me.
Its times like that when I look around for a certain someone other then my buddies to go talk to and chill with. It sounds a bit better and a lot more normal. I see it as also companionship and trust, that person always being there for you no matter what.
Seeing me though, I may look like your average nerd wearing the small clothes and not talking to no one. Well you got me all fu** up. Even though you can be someone else but don’t show it dosent mean your that person which I want to be, but that problem that is lurking around the corner striking fear into me always comes to end my shot.
I’ve put lots of thought into it, I dug through all my drafts to pull this one out to finish up what I have been thinking. Something is different now becasue I found a new path of where I can meet up with em. Just by having a simple conversation about pop culture led me to the route which I plan on taking and utilizing from now on. Maybe there is still a chance for me….maybe. I got the rest of the year, time to take action I thought. Although it did make me happy to see the smiling face, at least that is what I in visioned but eh, its ok to dream right? I know I’m a confusing person who can talk as deep as Huey Freeman but I’m a person on a search with no map and no help but my self.
Its just me.
Some people in life are just obstacles that want you to fail or want you to follow them in there direction. I have my own path and I plan on to succeed at it. I’m not going to sit back and talk about what could have happened, I’m going to make it happen whether you like it or not. They say my dad talks crazy but everything he has told me he has backed up with all the proof he can show or have me read. As of right now the society is against what I do. Skateboarding is my thing and I’m following the saying, “Skate Or Die”. It may sound stupid to you but if you were a skateboarder you would feel the same way about it. People just don’t understand skaters and wish we can stop skating and pretty our selves up, thats not going to happen. You gotta be smoking an ounce of weed to tell me something like that.
Another thing that gets me is that everyone in my family thinks my dad is a fool but there wrong. They think he is talking crazy. My dad is an entrepreneur and has 2 businesses. One is kitchen Exhaust cleaning and the other one which he is about to start up is in carpet cleaning. He is the only person in my life who I have seen go out and make his own money from his very own business while everyone else is sitting at home waiting on a check from there job.
I hate it when my cousin tries to talk to me about how I should get a job, I think I should but that basically means I might have to stop skateboarding. Once I start working my life will be gone. I’ll wake up, go to work and come home tired and want to rest. Plus I’m in school so if I get a job I’ll have to go to school, come home and go to work, once I get back It’ll be late and I’ll have to do my home work and go to bed. No fuck that. I’ve come this far in skateboarding now people want me to quit!? No, I’m going to keep pushing till’ I can’t no more. To some people right now I sound crazy but like I said above if you were a skateboarder you would think the same way.