So latley a lot has been going through my head that I seemed to have killed away and have thrown away in my virtual memory trash can. All yesterday I was trippen so bad, later on when I got to the crib and did a little snoopin everything dropped and like I said, it just fatally died. It wasnt really nothing, I just made it seem like a big deal in my head and from a few influences around me, I had this little vision going on that kept replaying over and over agin in my head until I couldn’t take it anymore. What did I do you may ask? Nothing of course becasue once it came to that point I pushed it out of sight and thought about what really mattered and why I am in the predicament I am in today.
People call me a lot of stuff but as Mr. Gary always said to the crazy white girl on the bus “I got thick skin, nothing really gets through to me”. I never really care about what the other low down, got no life, broke as a joke, still living with mama idiots got to say because I keep on reasurring my self that I will be better then them and do bigger and better things then work at Rally’s for the rest of my life in the drive thru lane. They do make me mad at times to the point of me thinking about bashing their hallow heads into a brick wall until it breaks. I haven’t gotten to that point yet so don’t push me.
Its times like that when I look around for a certain someone other then my buddies to go talk to and chill with. It sounds a bit better and a lot more normal. I see it as also companionship and trust, that person always being there for you no matter what.
Seeing me though, I may look like your average nerd wearing the small clothes and not talking to no one. Well you got me all fu** up. Even though you can be someone else but don’t show it dosent mean your that person which I want to be, but that problem that is lurking around the corner striking fear into me always comes to end my shot.
I’ve put lots of thought into it, I dug through all my drafts to pull this one out to finish up what I have been thinking. Something is different now becasue I found a new path of where I can meet up with em. Just by having a simple conversation about pop culture led me to the route which I plan on taking and utilizing from now on. Maybe there is still a chance for me….maybe. I got the rest of the year, time to take action I thought. Although it did make me happy to see the smiling face, at least that is what I in visioned but eh, its ok to dream right? I know I’m a confusing person who can talk as deep as Huey Freeman but I’m a person on a search with no map and no help but my self.
Its just me.