Can’t believe it but read it

So I have this friend and we have a strange relationship. Now when I mean friend, I refer to them as just a mere associate all because the relationship is one sided.

It’s sometimes hard for me to grasp how we even have this weird dynamic that works for only so many hours. Once it’s done it’s over with and then we part until the next meeting.

I kinda don’t like it because its one of those things that come about when you’re placed in a situation that stems from the need of a particular item or life style, resulting you to take part in an activity.

None the less, it’s strange that these things just kind of come about but who am I to say what’s wrong and right when we all have the same misconception. Regardless, we wouldn’t even be able to understand it, not to mention the amount of time it would take.

What ever it is, I got to make some serious changes.

~ keep it all smiles

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unauthorized

I have an issue.

I’ll go about it plain and simple with a whole lot of extra stuff because that’s how I be.

I want a girlfriend. I don’t know why, maybe it’s because I feel lonely, but whatever. I just do. Now having a significant other has been a thought that’s been in my mind ever since I was young. I want to blame it on how we look at humanity and and this whole relationship thing but I really don’t know. The fact of the matter is, I think it’s a humanly thing and right now at the age of 24 thats what has been on my mind. Right now in life I just want to focus on my creativity and let that flourish but I feel like the “wanting” of a “lover” in my world is hindering me.

I cannot fully say that the thought is destroying me because I just turn around and make another song, but when I hear my music it’s all the same bullshit just told differently over beats. I got this weird ass feeling of settlement and wanting to have the rock next to me holding me up. When I stop and look at how I am towards others, I begin to question if I am even ready. Like I’m totally the guy who believes that everything happens for a reason, so I never really tell myself something isn’t going to happen because at the end of the day we don’t know.

Right now I got a crush on a girl though. Haven’t even tried to display the confidence in wanting to get to know her because I’m a wimp. I build up my thoughts and always let the shit crash when there’s nothing else left to be added. That’s what I’ve done at this point. My hopes are very high but for no reason. I bitch out when I want to say anything and the conversation dies. I….. I’m just a fearful human who lets his emotions control how he interacts with other humans.

 

no point in giving up though.

 

i got hit by a car in september and i’m still alive.

 

 

there is something here on earth for me to accomplish.

 

 

 

i must achieve.

 

ps. heine bros

 

pps. .. i need to get a life because seriously, i just skate, rap, and make beats.

 

~ keep it all smiles

Why You Have To Make Him Sweat It Out In The Friend Zone First (bish wut?)

Okay now its my turn.

I read this article all the way through and thought to myself, “Hey, the friend zone isn’t all what its made out to be.” I’ve never been friend zoned but the main point of this article is not about the friend zone. Its about building a standing relationship with someone.

Now the only problem that I had while reading this is that “We” the men are supposed to go out of are way and work our asses off to get to know the female. Yes this is true but the relationship will not work unless the opposite sex is doing the same too. So if I’m trying to figure out what kind of Chinese Food she likes, she needs to be learning whether or not I want the Soy Sauce on my rice or egg rolls.

Last but not least, I don’t like the name “Friend Zone.” I feel like females have turned that name into something guys don’t want to hear. I mean hell, when I see the friend zone I see the opposite of what exactly is supposed to happen. I see the female talking to every guy leading a bunch on and all this other nonsense. I think we should change the name to “We are Friends Right Now” or something.

The article of which I am writing about is down below for you to check out.

~ Keep it all smiles

_____________________________________________________

Time is the ultimate test.

Source: Why You Have To Make Him Sweat It Out In The Friend Zone First

the letter x

Today was the day you’re phone service got cut off. I went to school a whole week dreaming and fantasizing. Then Friday came and I got a text message. My reaction was stupid. Your intentions were ignorant. But I’ve been over it.
 
I’m just appalled by the fact that you sent a text message. Do you know what they shows of you as a human being? A pathetic piece of shit. Like seriously, you are a pathetic piece of shit. I never was depressed. I never shed a tear. I literally went into deep thought trying to figure out what the hell happened.
 
But its okay, I new we weren’t meant for each other. I knew from the snaps and the text. I knew from the few phone calls and the awkward outings.
 
Why does this bother me though? Because you didn’t have the guts to look me in the eyes and make that final connection. That final connection that would cut us off from one another.
 
This is why I sent those text a month after so I could get you to purposely hate me. I didn’t want you to like me nor do I want you to now. Not to mention you wanted to friend zone me.
 
So fuck you.
 
ps. That screen shot of that “Love Note” was delusional thinking. I never felt that way. NEVER. im being serious.

Life is Good, Good isn’t Life.

Remember a couple months ago when I made those deep, drawn out, sad, sappy blog post about my break up with my ex? That shit was real. I was messed up from that. I stopped skateboarding for an entire week. I LOVE TO SKATEBOARD!!! I was in terrible shape. Now…Things have changed. I feel better about everything and I am happy and content with life.

I did some really hard thinking about my past relationship and I honestly think that it just wasn’t for us. Yes I really did love her, deeply. But in the end and through all the bullshit, I feel like that wasn’t for us. I think there is someone else in this world of 7 billion people that will fit for us. I’m not gonna go on here and bash her or anything, yeah I feel like she did me wrong but I am glad she broke it off. I really just wanna remain good friends.

My life is good right now, I get to chill with my friends, talk and meet new people, explore the world and do what I feel like I want without worrying about someone worrying about me. I know that sounds bad but at this point in my life, I’m 20. I have a decade to find someone and explore the world. I’m not a man-whore so there won’t be no wiener going around. haha!

Well I’m off to make some deep philosophical post so stay tuned.

Sorry

The style and the grace of beauty has never come up

Rivers running over of  love but we don’t show up

The counters full of letters and the gifts we receive, taken for granted all the time the light has shown us brighter things

Invisibility is where I wanna be, holding back emotions and carelessness for the finer things

I’ve never seen such horror, never in my life, tear apart a page and read it twice just so you can say its twice

Even when the camera isn’t got you on the screen, tears fall from your eyes while you cry sitting behind the scenes

I know I’m awkward, my mind is in a different place, I know that I can fix it I love you and put you in first place

Trouble Man, that’s what I am, if you can role with me than you’re with Trouble Man

No time to waste we can go anywhere, Paris or France I don’t care as long as we’re there

My life’s a struggle, I’m moving at much a slower pace

Turtles pass me up and dust me while I’m in last place

But I can do it better then them other guys, balling like Mr. Gates rolling with them suicuides

Yes its choppy, clarity is nothing for it tho, Glass house broken into and all was stolen yo

If I don’t get it back then its all done, I will never give up, never Its all over and done

Now this the type of stuff that make ya wanna get up and tell the world that I love you while we talking on the phone

And this the type of stuff for me to apologize to you and try to fix it cus I’m weird mybad I’ve never done none of this before

I was scared of all the public so I ran from it

The world was all evil so I stood in front of it

I told it all to leave me and my lady alone, they need to watch the throne before I step and stub someones toe

I’m such an idiot why do I mess things up

The meal that I just had was bad so I threw it up

If everything was a lie then I should do or die, keep to my self so we talk, party and have a ball

Life is just a gift and so is love so cherish it like your family and never slip or fall

– Troubled Man

Love Stinks

This has been one short summer. I get a job at UPS and my summer disappears within a blink of an eye. Its crazy how life will soon be a bitter place once we become old and can’t do anything without the help  of  “healthy” people. If I was an old man in a nursing home, I would go crazy…..CRAZY! I’m serious, how many of y’all would want to be in a building with a bunch of other old smelly old folks? Just think if all you y’all was young again!? It would be hectic up in there.

What I’m really here to talk a bout other then silly little facts in life is about how love can screw a man over. I’ve never really been in love or maybe even head over heals for a women but it can really mess you up. The only advice that I can give you is to not fall in love because it will bite you in the back like a piranha came out the water and was after ya’. I’m serious! You better be a bachelor all your life and just have sex with everyone hot chick you find…BUT DON’T FALL IN LOVE!

Now if it does come to the point that you are with someone and you want to marry them…well that’s a whole other story right there. Like my buddy CJ said, “I gotta really love this women if I’m gonna marry her”, and thats true! Just think about it, you gotta be with that women or man for the rest of your miserable human life. I can’t do it, you got to be out of your mind if you think I’m gonna marry a chick. It may happen though, I wanna have kids and all and you know..raise a family. But thats down the road. Right now I’m trying to chill and not let some dumb hot braud interfer with what I’m trying to do with myself.

Somebody tell her to CLOSE THEM LEGS CUS’ I AIN’T GETTIN’ IN-BETWEEN THEM!

-Wisdom Spoken From An Angry Black Guy

The Issue

So latley a lot has been going through my head that I seemed to have killed away and have thrown away in my virtual memory trash can. All yesterday I was trippen so bad, later on when I got to the crib and did a little snoopin everything dropped and like I said, it just fatally died. It wasnt really nothing, I just made it seem like a big deal in my head and from a few influences around me, I had this little vision going on that kept replaying over and over agin in my head until I couldn’t take it anymore. What did I do you may ask? Nothing of course becasue once it came to that point I pushed it out of sight and thought about what really mattered and why I am in the predicament I am in today.

People call me a lot of stuff but as Mr. Gary always said to the crazy white girl on the bus “I got thick skin, nothing really gets through to me”. I never really care about what the other low down, got no life, broke as a joke, still living with mama idiots got to say because I keep on reasurring my self that I will be better then them and do bigger and better things then work at Rally’s for the rest of my life in the drive thru lane. They do make me mad at times to the point of me thinking about bashing their hallow heads into a brick wall until it breaks. I haven’t gotten to that point yet so don’t push me.

Its times like that when I look around for a certain someone other then my buddies to go talk to and chill with. It sounds a bit better and a lot more normal. I see it as also companionship and trust, that person always being there for you no matter what.

Seeing me though, I may look like your average nerd wearing the small clothes and not talking to no one. Well you got me all fu** up. Even though you can be someone else but don’t show it dosent mean your that person which I want to be, but that problem that is lurking around the corner striking fear into me always comes to end my shot.

I’ve put lots of thought into it, I dug through all my drafts to pull this one out to finish up what I have been thinking. Something is different now becasue I found a new path of where I can meet up with em. Just by having a simple conversation about pop culture led me to the route which I plan on taking and utilizing from now on. Maybe there is still a chance for me….maybe. I got the rest of the year, time to take action I thought. Although it did make me happy to see the smiling face, at least that is what I in visioned but eh, its ok to dream right? I know I’m a confusing person who can talk as deep as Huey Freeman but I’m a person on a search with no map and no help but my self.

Its just me.