exploding rock™

Shitty First Drafts

So in my English 101 class, we had to read a selection from a book written by Anne Lamott. Or at least I think it was from her book.

The selection my teacher had us read was entitled Shitty First Drafts. It pretty much was about how when any writer sits down to work on a project they have to write a shitty first draft. I really took that to heart when I read what Ms. Lamott wrote. It made me think about my blog and how all of my post are shitty first drafts. Even this one is a shitty first draft because I have no intention of going back and fixing any errors…unless I catch them skimming over it.

I always tell myself that I am a good writer but after the first 2 weeks of English I have come to the conclusion that I am not. There is just so much that I don’t know. I’m not sure if its from the 2 years of not taking English since high school or me just not actually knowing. I do see myself gradually growing and becoming a better writer. Hell, I like to do it, just not to the extent of dedicated writers who walk around with a journal 24/7.

Whether my writing is good or bad I still enjoy getting here on my blog and making post that people will occasionally like and comment. I really appreciate the people who like my post and even share their thoughts. It pleases me to know that I have a small crowd out there that is watching.

Well, I guess I’ll go back to being an internet junky. I may do a little homework.

ps. I went over this post and fixed some grammatical errors and re-worded a lot of stuff. My teacher is rubbing off on me.

February 4, 2014

anne lamott, books, college, english, english 101, free speech, reading, writers, Writing
World Domination

Tell us about the experience of being outside, looking in — however you’d like to interpret that.

The inner circle to most people sounds like a secret organization that is with-holding information on world domination. To me, its just a group of people who have gained a certain popular status among peers in a social setting creating the illusion of the “cool” kids.

Being that person that is outside of it all makes most feel left out. I never felt like that way, I was that guy who wanted to sneak in and destroy the reputation and image created by the inner circle groups and taunt people with my conspicuous actions. As bad as that sounds I never got around to it, I made my owner inner circle of odd people and went on about my day.

I’m always the guy that is outside looking in. I mean what the fuck do I need to go inside for when this gives me the opportunity to criticize, stereotype or just let me create my own explanation of why these people choose to stay inside of a circle of oppression.

I understand that I am getting a little too deep but I want people to really think so they can have a different mind set on life. I did the thinking at some point and I am extraordinarily happy that I did. We shouldn’t have to be standing outside looking in. We need to be looking around.

Why must the world be split and contained in small little sectors full of morons with the power to control people? Why must happiness and fulfillment be on the other side of a locked door? Why do we get treated like donkeys with a fucking key in front of our faces as we walk through life aimlessly trying to grab it?

Do you see what SOCIETY HAS DONE!

January 9, 2014

domination, DPchallenge, inner circle, people, philosophy, society, world
When leaves Fall

It really takes a lot to change a person. Whether its a death of a close relative or noticing how fortunate they are to be in the healthy state and condition with shelter and food. I sometimes ask myself why does it take so much to really move a human being? Is it because of our influence from American culture or just how we came into the world.

For someone like me who has pretty much been a loafer his whole life through school, I see that I need to make a very big change within myself and it is going to take tons of effort and strength to do so. Do we as humans really need a serious impact on our lives to change it? It seems so.

But what if we were to some how skip that step and succeed to the top without the suffering?

Would life be what it is now?

These are just thoughts that I had run through my head as I read a post on facebook from a friend. Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments below.

January 7, 2014

change, education, fall, impact, life, people, social experience, suffering, winter, world
Four Corners Part 2

My room is a box. There’s no air vents so I have to use an electric heater to heat my room up during the winter months. I just cut it off so I can let the cold air take over my room.

Once again I am in the middle of my room sitting down with my tablet in one hand and a plate of Vienna sausages in the other. I’ve been stuck in the house all day doing nothing productive but sitting in my room browsing the internet, Trying to make friends. My dad came home earlier and yelled at me about not figuring out how to open some damn word file. He’s been doing this for a month now. I’ve grown tired of it, contemplating on moving out and dealing with room mates. But the free room and manuel labor with my dads business is what keeps me here.

My dad went on a rant earlier about how he doesn’t know who me and my sister are. Claiming we are just reincarnations of past people. I believe him. He had me Google a book that he heard on the radio thats about children who have memories of past lives. It got me really thinking about who I really am and who the person I was before this life. I know for sure that I am reincarnated. I’m hoping that once I find out who I used to be then I can finally get the answers to why I love to skateboard so much and why I’m the person I am today.

Other than me wondering who I really am, I paid half of my school debt. Apparently I owe those bitches 800 something. I only paid half and plan to call and make sure the other half isn’t a mistake. God I hate college.

January 6, 2014

house, parents, past life, people, reincarnation, room, school
Absolute Knowledge

What does “happiness” look like to you?

Happiness to me takes many shapes and forms. It comes to me through my skateboard, my art, my poems, raps and my personality. Happiness can take any form and look any way you want it. Its different for everyone. That’s what makes happiness so amazing.

The goal for every human being is to find happiness. Happiness is found in the most oddest places as well. For example, that drunk homeless man you see probably finds happiness inside of a bottle. That rich billionaire probably finds happiness within all of the money he has. One thing that people have to realize is that happiness comes and goes. We seek it but can only hold on to it for so long. Once its gone than we are in search for more of it because we miss the happiness we once held in the palm of our hands.

From a philosophical stand point, I see TRUE Happiness as attaining absolute knowledge. For as long we are here on this earth we will never be able to attain absolute knowledge. We will have to pass on and let our soul be free from this hurtful world to reach that goal.

Over all, happiness to me has no form. I may have said that it takes many shapes or forms but the true reality of what happiness looks like comes from within and from around.

January 5, 2014

absolute knowledge, art, DPchallenge, happiness, peace, philosophy, poems, rap, skateboarding, world
First Sunday of The New Year

Well I have been keeping up with the weather as usual and this cold spell that we are entering is no joke. The temperatures are dropping well below zero!

I asked my dad the other day if he wanted me to salt the driveway because I would much rather not shovel 3 feet of snow out of the driveway. He told me no, which really has my nerves itching because there is supposed to be a “cold snap” which is going to freeze the rain that has been falling all day. The snow is practically on its way. I’m pretty sure by the time I am finished with this post I’ll start seeing flurries fall. Then I’ll watch those flurries turn into huge snow flakes.

I remember last year how I was really excited for this bad winter. I heard from several people that it was going to be bad but I didn’t know that the temperatures were going to drop like they are going to tonight. The wind chill is supposed to be around -30. This worries me because I am part of UPS’s deice crew and if I end up going into the bucket to spray deice fluid on planes, I will certainly freeze my ass off.

They always say be careful of what you wish for; I wished for a lot of snow and hell, the whole entire east coast its getting a HUGE snow storm.

I wonder if this will be like the snow storm of 94?

ps: I’ll be blogging photos of the winter wonderland later tonight!

January 5, 2014

bad weather, cold winter, deice, snow, snow storm, temperature, UPS, winter
Happy New Years!

I personally think that this year is going to be a great year! They say that life is what you make it so this year I’m going to lay my foot down and pave my path out myself instead of someone else doing it for me. Last year had its ups and downs but this year looks bright for me and my friends. We’re all getting paid, we all have good goals and right now we are all achieving them. It feels great knowing that you’re whole crew is doing well. We may not have stepped into the new year with a huge bang but we don’t need no overwhelming party to make the next 365 days memorable ones. My head is still foggy from earlier so I’ll make a much more clearer post about this new start of life here on earth later today if I remember to do so. haha!

Have fun everyone and make this your year as well!

Peace. Love. Skate (PLS)

Heart. Honor. Respect (HiiiPower)

January 1, 2014

2014, 365, family, food, friends, hiiipower, love, new years, nye, peace, skateboarding
Four Corners

As I sit here in the middle of my room typing this, I feel the wholeness of this world surround me and engulf the pain and fear of life. Everyday is more of a challenge due to society’s stress upon my brain and my fathers persistent badgering of help with his company. I’m 20 years old with no aim in life. My only true passion is skateboarding and life has done all its can to slow down my progression.

In my current down time I’ve done nothing but mope around the house, stream social media sites and have taken little time towards my code academy account. I also got bad news from school. I failed a class. I owe those fuckers $432. Fucking jerk offs.

To add to my stress I’ve made it through my 3rd peek season at UPS. This year had to be the worse yet, with volume staggering over 2 million a night. Everything is taking a tole on me. My soul is tainted with happiness and anger, my positive mindset has been tarnished, my life goals have been put on hold.

I’ve started smoking black n milds to cope with the stress. Its a habit I picked up on my 20th birthday while floating in the clouds. I dearly regret it but fuck it, quicker way to leave earth right?

It makes me tear up just as little while I straddle my stuffed animal and sit in the middle of the floor. I just want to know why the world is so cold and why when I try I fail even more. I have higher hopes for the new hear but right now, I just want to sit here in the middle of my four corned room and sob a little over my failed attempt at life.

Maybe I’ll get it right next time…

December 30, 2013

20, black n mild, hard, life, money, reality, school, stress, stuffed animal, world
Sandbox

I like to start my afternoons with a nice large cup of coffee and left over food from 2 nights ago. This process was created several months ago and it must continue. I work night shift at UPS so there is a need for me to fill system up with large amounts of caffeine to wake my self up. I’m addicted to coffee, its my second love in life. My first love is skateboarding, nothing ever goes above that. Unless I get married or something, than my wife has to share 1st place with my skateboard. (Laugh Out Loud) !

While I drink coffee I go on these mini trips. Its like the creativity juice in my brain starts churning and my mind goes wild. I usually like to sit down in coffee shops and do this but mostly it happens in my room in front of my computer or on my front porch. I think of all sorts of things such as new skateboard tricks, comic book ideas, more skateboard tricks, computer coding, post for my tech website and much more. The problem with this is trying to get the ideas out of my head and putting them on paper. Being a null creative person is difficult. I have to be the weirdest person to ever live. I sometimes wonder who I was in a past life hoping that I can piece together something. It never really works, I just come to another brick wall. When that happens I grab my skateboard and hit the streets.

My mind has opened up more to new things such as the world, deep space and meditation. I really want to explore these fields and get deep in it. I took a philosophy class this past semester and it completely blew my mind away. There are so many theories and knowledge and methods. I practically turned into a philosopher and started preaching these new ideas and thoughts to my friends and anyone else who seems interested. I’ve been dubbed Negrodamus among my friends. Others just call me smart. I’ll take whatever.

I see this self empowerment as a way for me to enlighten and gain more knowledge about this world and the people in it. I’ve been studying people more and have been paying attention to peoples motives and there “selfish” actions. Its all really a wonder to me.

With what I am calling my “New Found Knowledge” I plan to sit down in this sandbox of a world and begin to tear down and pull apart what society has created and create something new for our generations to live. The median that has been built defines to many stereotypes and political groups. I really just want to bring peace, but that goal is almost impossible to me and the rest of the world due to inner hatred we possess.

If we could rise above and out of the circle of hate and preach peace instead of war than we could live in a world that has less violence and more happiness. Whether or not that evil was created to make this world turn, we could at least have more positivity spread around than what we have now.

Life is simply just a sandbox.

December 15, 2013

beliefs, coffee, empowerment, evil, knowledge, life, peace, philosophy, positivity, sandbox, skateboard tricks, violence, war
Life is Good, Good isn’t Life.

Remember a couple months ago when I made those deep, drawn out, sad, sappy blog post about my break up with my ex? That shit was real. I was messed up from that. I stopped skateboarding for an entire week. I LOVE TO SKATEBOARD!!! I was in terrible shape. Now…Things have changed. I feel better about everything and I am happy and content with life.

I did some really hard thinking about my past relationship and I honestly think that it just wasn’t for us. Yes I really did love her, deeply. But in the end and through all the bullshit, I feel like that wasn’t for us. I think there is someone else in this world of 7 billion people that will fit for us. I’m not gonna go on here and bash her or anything, yeah I feel like she did me wrong but I am glad she broke it off. I really just wanna remain good friends.

My life is good right now, I get to chill with my friends, talk and meet new people, explore the world and do what I feel like I want without worrying about someone worrying about me. I know that sounds bad but at this point in my life, I’m 20. I have a decade to find someone and explore the world. I’m not a man-whore so there won’t be no wiener going around. haha!

Well I’m off to make some deep philosophical post so stay tuned.

December 15, 2013

content, good, happy, life, relationships, world