I grabbed my TV dinner out of the microwave. Another successful night in the books and now it is time to enjoy the freedoms that life has to offer, but only for a second. At least thats what the time between work and school feels like. Its always been like this; for some years now. I don’t feel nothing new, its all just the same. Life seems to come and go around the same circle its been on and I haven’t really changed it.
Sure I’ve done some cool things but I feel like there is more out here for me to achieve but I’m being held back. Trying to figure out whats holding me back is the question. I can’t say its really a constant battle of trying to find myself but I don’t know.
This TV dinner isn’t all that I expected, its pretty nasty.
Anyways, minus the fact that I use the word Anyways for multiple paragraphs though out my blog, I think I understand.
When it comes to skateboarding I love the sport. It gives me the freedom and space I need to roll around in a concrete jungle. Its always a pleasure to meet other skaters and build connections. One thing that I always questions is when the younger kids. Theres a little boy across the street from me who just got a skateboard for Christmas. As he rolled back and forth on his front porch I wondered, “How good will he get? Will he turn pro?” I always ask that becasue during my journey on a skateboard I have watched people who could barely ride a board, shred the bowls better than me at the skatepark.
Its always a fascinating thought when it crosses my mind. I get engulfed in the future and what it has in store for skaters all around. I wonder if other people think the same thing too?
2015 was a good year. It was a learning experience and a great time. I met a lot of great people and I am glad to have run into them. 2016 will be a new year full of excitement and more learning. The goal is to never stop learning and to keep pushing forward because living in the past keeps you at bay.
My goals for the new year are simple. I plan to crack open more books, blog waaay more than usual, get a sponsorship as a skateboarder, and watch my rap career flourish. Right now my list is looking tough but I never said that my goals would be easy. Theres so much in the world I need to get done right now its not even funny.
As long as I stay focused and keep going nothing can stop me.
You know that feeling you get after you sit around and entire summer and you notice that just in few weeks from now you got school? It sucks. What makes this situation odd is that I am viewing this as if I am still in high school and its mandatory for me to go.
I’m CHOOSING to go! I honestly don’t have to put myself through this but I gotta keep my Amazon Student Prime Account, lol! No seriously, I’m sitting on my back porch right now pondering how my summer has been. This summer literally flew by! It’s saddening but I’ve realized it’s like this every summer.
Each summer that comes around quickly disappears into the sunset. Then winter comes with large amounts of snow and a warm coffee shop for me to sit my ass down in. This little rant doesn’t come back down to me not having a life, but the life that I live. I always do this, sit around at the end of summer vacation wondering what I’ve done these past two months. I hit the rewind button and press play and what I see never disappoints.
It’s been a good vacation, one that I can sit back and play some good tunes that will remind me of those adventurous days. I’m not sure when school starts, nor have I signed up for classes, but I’ll tell you this; FALL IS COMING!
Now it may be a little to early to scream that one out but I love fall and all of the enjoyment is brings. I’ll be 22 in November and my mixtape is still on the way. How about that? Lol
To start, this may be the very first and last post on the profile. That does depend on whether I like this blogging platform or not. If you happen to see more post that wow, I must really have done something. But anyways I’m here to just ramble my mind off. Ya’ know, get some stuff of my chest. To be honest, there really isn’t much on my mind. I just like to sit down and just start typing about nonsese in hopes to captivate people that are reading. Eventually I get tired of trying to grab ahold of poeples minds and run away onto an imaginary island full of rattle snakes a ghost and try to fight them with a plastic spork. Some battle huh? I would say so. I mean think about it, Me vs Snakes & Ghost. That shit is crazy! I could see it right now, getting the stuff chocked out of me by a ghost and then getting bit by a damn rattle snake. Ain’t that some shit. lol.
I often ask myself when I am going about my day, “What is life?”
I mean, what am I really doing here? I wake up, take care of my hygiene, get on the computer and then skate. On days I got school, I’ll do some studying and may even knock out my homework but thats it. I am literally doing nothing that makes me feel like I have accomplished something. I used to daydream a lot back in high school of where I would be by the age of 22 or 23. Here I am 20, still living with my parents, have no car, no credit, or anything that can say “Hey, this man is finically stable.” I feel miserable everyday I get up and do shit. The only thing in life that makes me feel complete and content with life is skateboarding. Even with skateboarding I run into problems such as falling or the weather decides to switch up. I still have my family all in my ear saying that I should stop skateboarding and because some sucker ass lawyer but what fun would that be?
The point is, the idea…the dream…the whatever the hell I had when I was younger has fizzled away and I’ve become another product of the lower class society in America. I’m considered a rebel, a kid who has chosen to go against the system and is called a hipster. Yeah, I said it, but I look like a bum so the word Hipster doesn’t even cut it. More like another “nigga” walking the face of this earth. I’ve also come across a shit ton of conclusions, I’ll list them below,
I’ve failed at life
Have a hard time talking to females
My family is against my dreams in life
UPS hates my existence = my job sucks
and a bunch of other shit I’d rather not name
The shit I’m naming off and complaining about is probably the same bullshit many other young adults are going through. But is it really like this? Are we supposed to suffer and work long strenuous hours, maxing out our mental capacity’s?! And for what?! What I am doing right now that is benefiting me in any way, shape or form? I’m fucking trying man…I’m fucking trying. Every time I turn around my dads in my face about his business, my mom is asking for money, and my sister is being rude to people by not speaking. Why can’t I simply have one good day? One day where I can just skate and come home to a meal and my lady making my favorite pie?
I remember asking my friend Danny what the meaning of life is. He told me that life is a blank canvas and you can paint anything. I thought about it and was like “Wow, I fucking suck at art.”
It really takes a lot to change a person. Whether its a death of a close relative or noticing how fortunate they are to be in the healthy state and condition with shelter and food. I sometimes ask myself why does it take so much to really move a human being? Is it because of our influence from American culture or just how we came into the world.
For someone like me who has pretty much been a loafer his whole life through school, I see that I need to make a very big change within myself and it is going to take tons of effort and strength to do so. Do we as humans really need a serious impact on our lives to change it? It seems so.
But what if we were to some how skip that step and succeed to the top without the suffering?
Would life be what it is now?
These are just thoughts that I had run through my head as I read a post on facebook from a friend. Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments below.